I am going to admit it, I am a perfektionist.. There I said it. I like everything to be perfekt. But it’s subtle. Looking at me you might not be able to tell that I strive for perfektion. I myself don’t even realise it unless I pay attention to my thoughts and actions. But I am chained down by chasing the impossible desire of perfekting things. I have always been this way and whilst the focus of my perfektionism has shifted in life, it’s never gone away. Whether it be about how neat and tidy my room is, how perfektly folded my clothes are, how tight and in place my hair looks or how well written my notes and emails are; I spend a lot of time on finer details which most people wouldn’t appreciate anyway.
For those who aren’t perfektionists, it may be hard to understand or relate to what I am saying. So to help put it into perspective, imagine that you are working on something and you are putting all your effort in, yet no matter how excellent the output is you will always think to yourself that it could have been better. You feel disappointed because you don’t think that the output is perfekt as it’s not aligned to the best possible version which you envisioned in your mind. But of course 9/10 times the ideal in your head is not a realistic interpretation of the situation. So naturally, you can’t be fulfilled with the effort that you have put in and feel frustrated thinking about how it could have been better.
I’ve only recently noticed how much my perfektionism as an adult prevents me from enjoying the beautiful things in life. Being fixated on things being perfekt is exhausting, to say the least. But the worst part is that you expect perfektion in others and from others; and that is not a fair or realistic expectation.
I recently realised that not only do I seek perfektion in my boyfriend but also from him. This is a scary thought, because relationships can be tough as they are, let alone going through them with unrealistic expectations of people. My ideals and my perfektionist ways prevented me from seeing the qualities that I admire about him because my thoughts are tainted by the idea of “buts” and “what ifs”. Not realising that these ideals are not realistic and that they’re impacting the quality of our relationship.
It’s hard for a perfektionist to appreciate how green the grass is on their side; not because they think that the grass is greener on the other side, but because they think that their grass can be much greener if they watered it more. But the more water you add, the more flooded it becomes and eventually mud takes over what used to be beautiful green grass.
Something will always have to give in relationships so if you’re always looking for the perfekt person, then you’ll always be disappointed because there is no such thing. Heck I am not even perfekt! No matter how hard I try to be, I have my flaws and I consider my perfeckionism to be one big flaw and I am tired of it.
Life is too short to want things to be perfekt so that you can enjoy them and love is too sweet to be made bitter by unrealistic expectations. So, I have decided that I am going to shed my perfektionism little by little; and I am starting with the word perfektion itself. I realise that throughout this whole blog you were probably thinking “that’s not how you spell perfection”; but it was a delibrate act on my behalf and for once I am not going to let something so small bother me. A step closer to shedding my perfektionist ways and being ok with things not being perfekt.
Remember that striving for perfektion can stop you from appreciating how beautiful everything is. So, if you’re a perfektionist too, join me in being ok with the imperfektions in life.
Love always
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 