I am an emotional person; some people equate that to be being weak. I usually don’t say anything because when someone accuses a crazy person of being crazy; the more they deny it, the more the label sticks. The same logic applies here, except I am not crazy I am emotional (now let’s see what judgement you just made).
Of course everyone has emotions and everyone is sensitive; but the degree in which these characteristics are associated with individuals differs. For those of you who aren’t labelled sensitive and emotional; the below chart breaks it down very well.
Everything that is mentioned in the second pie chart is true; there is no exaggeration included. Like everything, there are pros and cons to being sensitive and emotional. On the plus side, it’s great because it allows me to care for others deeply and genuinely, to be empathetic towards them and to give love in a very powerful way. But it is also extremely exhausting and often times difficult because you can’t help but feel hurt and down when the same level of emotion and interest isn’t being reciprocated back to you. You see, you’re giving so much of your energy to others and very seldom do you get that energy restored. This doesn’t mean that people around you don’t care for you or love you; it just means that their expression of love and emotions may be different to yours.
Many times because of this difference I have not been understood by people and so I have been told that I am being too sensitive or emotional and that I should stop thinking that way or feeling down because of it. Most of the time I recognise that they’re right, in that the situation isn’t as bad as I perceive it to be, rather I am feeling upset because of my nature and how I see things. But despite people being right, I can’t help the way that I am and I can’t just stop feeling the way that I do; this is all I know. So this comment of needing to stop thinking and feeling the way that I do just makes me feel misunderstood and lonely. Which brings me to the following quote:
To tell someone not to be emotional is to tell them to be dead. – Jeannette Winterson
Sure being this way can hurt at times, but for me not being this way means not being at all. I know people have good intentions when they tell me to stop thinking or feeling a particular way (they just don’t want me to hurt myself by overthinking and over feeling things). But it would be nice if instead of telling me to stop being this way, that they would just listen and try and understand my complex being.
What has sparked this blog? Well this time around it is me telling myself that I am being too sensitive and emotional. It’s like I have accepted that when I feel emotional that I need to stop being this way. But this makes me feel worse; half my battle is my lack of willingness to accept the fact that this is who I am and that I am not going to outgrow it. I can’t force myself to be different and I shouldn’t have to. Fighting who I am and how I feel won’t help get rid of those feelings; and neither will wanting to have others around me to understand me and or care for me as I do for them.
Acceptance is the only answer. Accepting that the past is the past, that those I love may not neccessarily reciprocate their feelings in the way which I require, that I am sensitive and I do feel deeply despite it hurting at times. These are all things which I need to accept instead of dwell on. Dwelling will not change circumstance, rather it will only make me blind to opportunities for growth, connection and happiness.
So I pose this question to anyone who may read this blog; what truths are you denying about yourself and your life? What is holding you back from accepting yourself as you are or your life as it is?
One final note, please don’t confuse acceptance with settling or surrendering. If your life circumstance isn’t ideal then by accepting it you’re acknowledging that something needs to be done to improve it; you’re not giving up on it or letting go. When we don’t accept things as they are, we are living in denial and that my dreamers is what prevents us from moving forward.
Love always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 