We have all at one point or another found ourselves in situations whereby our loved ones have either been taken away from us, left us, separated from us and or changed their dynamic with us. These moments and experiences blatantly suck and we often find ourselves struggling to get back into a normal rythem in our lives where the loss and or change isn’t as fresh as it once was.
This process isn’t easy and it can take a lot of time to heal. Sometimes the scars stay with us, sometimes the memories haunt us; but really the worst part is finding out that we have lost a piece of ourselves in which almost feels impossible to build back up. But like all things in life, we have a choice of giving into fear, pain and loss or accepting all these feelings and choosing to go beyond them to see what is always constant, true and strong; our souls, the source of ultimate truth.
Recently I was faced with a very difficult decision, where my heart and mind weren’t aligned and as a result my heart lost. Everyday when I feel weak or overwhelmed with sadness or fear, I ask myself “who do I want to be in this situation?” This simple question reminds me that I want to be strong, I want to have faith, I want to be happy and I want to get through this; so I focus my energy and thoughts on being that person. Though it may take time, I know that eventually I will get there; I just need to be patient enough to trust the process.
I’ve always said that life does not give us challenges in which we do not have the capacity to conquer and whilst we may not be aware of it in the moment, we often learn through hindsight that each challenge had a purpose. So with this challenge and this adversity I have decided to practice acceptance and to learn from it all that it needs to teach me. When I have my bad days, I fall down and I try to understand the pain. I try not to distract myself from it but I don’t surrender to it either. I acknowledge it for all it is trying to show me and remind myself that this too shall pass and soon the pain will be nothing more than a memory. The less I resist the pain, the less I suffer; because pain is not as bad as we are conditioned to think it is. It’s misunderstood and it’s avoided. The more I am present with my pain the more energy builds up inside of me that I need to release.
So I put pen to paper and write; finding myself writing poetry that is influenced by my lifes journey and those around me. This is my way of coping I guess, my safe zone. Once I am done writing, I let a piece of the hurt go free, making me feel lighter and allowing me to heal.
This one, I am calling Let you go; dedicated to a love that is self-less and ego free.
Let you go:
I’m scared, I’m scared of not having you here,
But I’ve been here before, this time the fear won’t cripple me anymore,
I lie, I lie in my bed thinking of the mornings we shared,
Thinking of the laughter, the joys and the tears,
Thinking of you and I, before our memories disappear,
I cry, I cry so hard that I can’t hide this pain inside,
This is a fight, this is a fight but it just doesn’t feel right,
I hope, I hope and I pray, that you’ve moved on and aren’t feeling this way,
For my pain I can handle and my courage I can find,
But my darling the thought of you hurting, is a dagger to my heart and all the love I have inside..
You see, knowing that one of us has survived,
Knowing that you have regained the sparkle in your eyes
Is enough, enough for me to find a purpose, a purpose for this ache, for this torture
Whilst one half of me struggles with this pain, the other half is free and facing the world again,
And as you go on with your journey and as you move on with your life,
Be hopeful that one day your love will reignite,
And in that moment, when you’ve found another soul,
It will be time for me, to finally let you go.
……..
Stay strong beautiful souls and know that you have hidden strengths within you that can conquer any battles you have in your life and or any pain you may feel. Be kind to yourselves.
Love always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 