Today I felt like a bit of creativity, some form of drawing, a quick fix that wouldn’t take too long but would still allow my inner child to come out for some fun and creative expression. Mind you, it has been months since I’ve allowed my creative side to come out and years since I have taken drawing, painting or anything of that sort seriously. So I got the pastels out, put on the music and went for it. I decided that I don’t want to take myself too seriously, nor do I want to make this anything more than a creative release. So I went ahead and let my subconscious self take control; not knowing what I am going to draw or what I would like it to be.
Seeing the finished product my conscious self wasn’t too pleased; my perfectionist self was frankly beyond disappointed so it didn’t take too long for the self criticsm to kick in. Thoughts like, ‘what is that even meant to be, what are you still 5, don’t do it again you’re clearly not talented’, you get the picture. Despite knowing that I was just colouring and going with the flow, you know not thinking or trying too hard to make anything out of this, my mind still treated it like an art project. One where the end result is meant to be perfect or at least something that would feed my ego.
I’m not going to lie I was disappointed that I am not your natural born artist, but I have done many drawings and paintings in my life and when I actually pay attention the results are genuinely pleasing. Despite knowing that this piece is not a reflection of my capabilities or talents, I still had that internal critical voice shake it’s head in disappointment. I mean what is up with that?
Then my new found friend, you know the one I wrote about in the previous blog, chimed in and spread love all over this piece. She reminded me that it’s not about perfection, talent, pride, ego, compliments or the acceptance of others. It’s about fun, joy, self acceptance, courage and being kind to yourself. So now, I am laughing at the piece of ‘art’ that is in front of me because frankly it’s funny. Maybe my 5 year old self was holding onto this piece for all these years, waiting to let it out. If so, she has finally produced her fine artwork and as her adult self I will demonstrate courage by publicly writing a blog about it and sharing the piece.
Because if we can’t laugh at ourselves, be courageous enough to accept ourselves and just have fun with our lives, then what’s the point of it all?
Enjoy this masterpiece, it’s taken 22 years to manifest itself. By all means, have a belly laugh at it when you look at it also.
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer,
Souloom™ 