Look within you when you are looking for love; that is where you will find the fountain of love that is everlasting and eternal. Most of us don’t realise this because we don’t have the luxury of being still, of being present, of connecting to the depths of our souls. With the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, we have too many external stressors, distractions and or pressures that demand our attention, our energy and our focus. We live in a world that is driven by capitalism and greed; our primary needs such as food, shelter, education and sense of security seem to be out of reach – and that’s in the context of a developed country where there is a lot more privilege and opportunity than most other places. So I get it, one can miss out on exploring and or even feeling the internal love they have within them. For years I searched for love externally and through others. To me love was mainly felt and exaggerated in a romantic setting. I grew up watching too many Disney cartoons and Hollywood movies, which gave me a false sense of what love is.
I fell in love with love, or the idea of love that was carefully crafted for me by the media that I consumed. I always thought that you need to fall in love with someone and when you did then everything would make sense. That life itself and I myself would make sense. It has only been a few years that I’ve slowly started to realise that my concept of love was completely superficial and somewhat selfish. Because it was superficial it was also very dependent, not to mention that it was based on values and perspectives that weren’t necessarily healthy for me. I kept searching for that ultimate love that I had conceptualised for myself for years. It wasn’t until I experienced many family health scares, deaths, moves between countries, goodbyes, bad relationship choices, loss of support networks, depression and anxiety that I slowly started to crack open and get to know parts of my soul and depth of my heart that I didn’t even knew existed. It was through studying psychology and a lot of reading that I started to understand myself and the world around me much more clearly. I sought answers to a lot of things that I was confused about and started asking more questions around what and who I am and want to be. On this path and through the books that I’ve read, I’ve ben challenged on many of my beliefs, attitudes, views, and concepts around various topics one of which is love.
I slowly started to realise that we are all love, that god is love, that everything and everyone is made from love, returns to love and has love in their core. This concept was beautiful and yet completely brand new to me. It needed some getting used to. The more I started to explore my inner love the more I fell in love easily. I am not talking about romantic love, I just mean loving others. Then the next stage came in, meeting people and making friends who are the very definition of love. One particular person has had the biggest impact on me, a friend of mine who is like a brother to me, he has showed me what surrendering to your inner love means. Though he may not realise it, he is the essence of love, the inner peace that we all have hidden in us. He is my inspiration and my biggest challenger and I can’t help but feel the most connected to my own inner love when I spend time with him. Meeting him gave me an end goal of what I want to achieve for myself, somewhat like a guide to my own soul. The impact he had on me spiritually, emotionally and mentally has been one of the most beautiful blessings of my life and I am forever grateful to have crossed paths with such a pure soul.
Another impactful experience was the book that I read last year called the Love Warrior which continued to transform and evolve my view towards love and towards pain. It was such an enlightening and eye opening book; because from there I was able to see that there can’t be love without pain and there can’t be pain without love. That pain is only scary because we make it out to be and because we are brought up learning to avoid it at all costs. But at the end of the day, the more we ignore pain the more we deny ourselves the access to our internal love. I am currently reading another book called The forty rules of love, which my cousin recommended to me and I am so glad that she did, because it has provided such clarity and evoked so many emotions, that I feel like a changed person. This book has articulated all my learnings in such a way that I am going to treat it as a manuscript for divine love, everlasting love.
Our journey on this earth is going to be full of twists, turns, challenges, pain and hurdles but at the end of the day, those of us who find their way to their inner love are the ones who will be able to tap into eternal bliss despite everything that life throws at them. But of course, as I’ve said this isn’t an easy task nor is a finite goal. It’s an ongoing life long journey of discovering yourself and your own depth. The deeper you go the more you realise that there is no end to it. How beautiful is that concept, that we are larger and vaster than we could ever possibly imagine.
One of the chapters in the book really left an impression on me, a realisation about myself and my journey of love, my evolution and my learnings. I can’t do the book justice so I won’t make an attempt to summarise it, but I will share the aha moment that I was left with and that was that I started to realise that when we love someone or something, the love we are feeling isn’t external it’s internal. That is, the way we are feeling, is a side of us that only comes to the surface in the presence of a particular loved one. A part of our soul which is hidden away until we meet another soul that ignites the love within it. With this concept, I started to realise why I loved the people that I have. It particularly helped me understand why I loved men who weren’t the right partners for me, but I’ve loved them at a point in time regardless of whether or not there was any longterm suitability. It was because each of those experiences, each variation of love that I shared with them was necessary for me to get to know a side of me that otherwise would’ve never come out. Each of those experiences exposed a part of me that needed my attention, that needed my inner love to smother it with compassion and forgiveness. Each of my experiences of love wasn’t just about the person that ignited that feeling within me, but about getting to know myself. A side of me that would have never come to the surface if it wasn’t for that soul that would come to awaken it.
I know that my journey around understanding the truth of love is going to be lifelong, I know there is so much more that I am yet to experience and explore, both within me and in this world. I know that there are so many lessons waiting for me and I also know that we all have our own experiences. This is all my personal view based on my experiences. For some it will resonate, for others it may sound like gibberish and that is ok. We are all unique in our journey and we all have a certain path that we need to walk in order to find our truth.
With this new concept of love I have become curious to find who will ignite my heart next; I can’t wait to get to know another aspect of myself which I may or may not like, which I may find joyful or not, which may be easy or difficult to live with. Either way, I am curious to see what I will get to experience and hopefully one day, I can ignite the various aspects of my soul without the need for another souls fire.
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 