You are beautiful just as you are, with all the flaws, scars, imperfections, mistakes, pain, regrets and shortcomings that you have. You my darling, don’t need to change, you need to be accepted. – M.O.Y
People are so quick to judge, not only themselves and others but also the world. When I was moving to London everyone kept telling me how horrible the weather is going to be, making comments like ‘oh it’s so gloomy, the sun is never out, it’s always raining’ etc. None of this is false, but here is the thing, this is London. This is her, her beauty and what she has to offer, so why is it that her character and her offering is stamped with remarks that are meant to make the experience any less valuable or any less beautiful?
We often look for things that are defined as ‘beautiful’ and think anything outside of that definition is not valuable. This obsession we have with beauty, perfection and positivity is actually defeating their very purpose, the purpose of us finding bliss, gratitude and joy amongst them. Our obsession with perfection in all aspects of our lives is leading us away from experiencing the true value of everyday blessings. As soon as things are less than ideal or don’t meet our expectations, they are doomed to disappoint and or not be worth the experiences they do provide. But it’s our expectations that are the problem and nothing external to us. It’s interesting how I needed to be reminded of this lesson through a city and it’s weather acting as a metaphor for all other aspects of life.
I was looking outside my window and couldn’t help but notice that this different climate with all the cold, rain and wind is somehow warming my heart. It’s full of poetry, emotions, peace and earth; it’s full of stillness somehow. Looking outside the window and feeling all this, I realised how harsh we are, on everything. Why do we do this? I know I’ve been guilty of this several times, making comments that serve no purpose – they don’t add value, they don’t brighten up anyone’s day and or make things better. Yet we pass our days making so many conversations that are full of subtle negativities.
Not a single person said to me enjoy the rain, enjoy the act of nature of how the sky cries every day to help clean the earth of it’s pain. Of course not, this is far too poetic, emotional and or deep for anyone to phrase anything that way. But it’s true, I mean for the rain to form, for it to pour and for the ground to soak it up day after day and still stand strong and sturdy – well is that not resilience, beauty and strength? It’s all a matter of perspective, a perspective I myself lacked before I got here. But suddenly it all seems beautiful. Suddenly the simple things like a hot tea, or a cosy bed, or peaceful silence, all of these become blessings.
On a separate topic, I’ve had a couple of conversations with friends that has made me realise that in our day to day interactions we can make subtle remarks about each other that has absolutely no purpose. For example, I’ve arrived sick to a new country and I am all on my own – this is challenging, less than ideal and definitely not the sexy and exciting way to commence a journey in a new country; I get that, but what I don’t get is the comments that one of my closest friends has made to me about how often I get sick, how he doesn’t know anyone that gets sick like I do and how my immunity is weak etc. These comments, add no value to me what-so-ever, they’re an observation in which I can’t do anything about but I equally can’t gain anything positive from. So what’s the point?
It’s not the first time he has made these comments to me and it won’t be the last, for a very long time it actually impacted my confidence about my physical well being – perhaps he’s right there is something wrong with me? But all the tests show that there isn’t and this is just the way it is, I just happen to get sick more often than my friends do. I used to beat myself up over it, trying to control it, trying to force it to be different and or prevent it anyway I could. But maybe that is the problem, me trying to control something that is out of my control. Me not seeing the beauty and opportunity that comes with every experience and instead chasing the ‘ideal’ way of being – fit, healthy and strong, indicating that I never get sick. All of which is a delusion because not getting sick doesn’t determine your strength, fitness and health nor does it promise you joy. Also, because of our obsession to always be in the ideal state, we can easily miss the blessings that exist in the less than ideal circumstance, including when we are unwell; blessings like realising that you have access to medicine that so many are denied, that you have access to food that can nourish your body, that you are fighting a virus / cold and not cancer and aids, realising that you have a reason to stay indoors and sleep instead of work yourself to the ground because you always manage to push yourself too far – and the list goes on.
It’s of no fault of our own, we are taught to be like this from the moment we are born – it’s such a subtle way of life that most of us will never notice how much constraint we put on ourselves. The truth is, no amount of negativity adds up to anything positive. I know all of this may sound trivial but these are just small examples of what I’ve come to realise was a major issue in my life for the past decade. Everything we consume in the media is full of ways that helps put us down and or try to mould us into something that we are not. Things don’t have to be perfect to be valued, they don’t have to be ideal to bring you joy and they most certainly don’t have to be ‘sexy’ to be fun.
I want to be a source of love, joy and positivity for others and myself and the only way to achieve this is to be more aware of how I show up in my own head and towards others. I want to practice being deliberate about my comments, my views and judgements. It will be a learning journey, but one that I need to take because I don’t want to make comments and form judgements that see the gloomy side of things; sure everything has a gloomy side to it, but everything also has a beautiful side to it and I want to see the latter from now on.
Here is where it all starts – with you. You are beautiful just as you are, so is everyone around you and everything around you – stop and notice the beauty that is not defined and the blessings that go unnoticed. Appreciate the circumstance as it is, not as you wish it were and or how it ‘should’ be. If this was the last moment you had in this world, in this life, make that moment full of joy and bliss not of ‘if only’…
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 