Too fat, too skinny, too weak, too strong, too happy, too sad, too passionate, too laid back, too pretty, too ugly, too stubborn, too bold, too confident.. Judge me..
We care so much about what others think of us, about how we come across. Who we’re perceived to be and what that means.
We crave love, attention and belonging, not realising that our nature is a social being that wants to fit in. But fitting in comes at a cost sometimes, because we’re all so different and unique in our own way; well at least if we don’t force ourselves to conform into a cookie cutter mould of what is socially ‘acceptable’, ‘liked’ or ‘desired’.
People think I’m judgemental when I couldn’t care less about their life choices as long as it has no impact on mine. People think I’m too passionate, well sorry that I care about some topics that are dear to my heart – but then again, I’m not sorry, see what I just did there? I just apologised for being my natural self and we do that so often! Not realising that we don’t have to justify the way we are, or explain why we are the way we are.
People think that I’m confident, but I have my insecurities, show me a person who doesn’t. No I’m not perfect, no I don’t have my shit together, no I don’t know what I’m doing all the time and no I’m not as ambitious as you think I am. But ‘being’ isn’t a binary construct; it’s a mesh of all the colours and shades of the universe.
I’m perfect because I’m so imperfect, I’m confident because I know what my insecurities are, I’m brave because I know my fears like the back of my hand, I’m focused because I know that my mind is distracted all the time. I’m kind because I know that I’m selfish, I’m happy but I’m also empathetic to all the pain in this world. There is no one way of being, but people put you into categories because doing so will help them make sense of the world; help them make sense of you.
Recently I was having a conversation with someone I’ve not known very long and she said ‘please don’t judge me and think I’m that type of person’.. I hate it when people do that, assume that you’re sitting there judging them as though you’re god or something. But then I have to remind myself that it’s so natural to fear judgement because I myself used to care about what people thought and I still do to a degree. I mean I’ve been brought up in a culture whereby every decision and action is made based on what others will think of you. But to what purpose?
Don’t get me wrong, instant judgement is something that we can’t control, because our brains will always go for shortcuts so they don’t have to work on overdrive. There is too much information in the world for us to digest and so I don’t blame the brain for being judgemental. But, the moment you become aware of this in any relationship, you need to have a good conversation with yourself and let go of beliefs you form of others based on a conversation or an interaction.
People have shared their judgements of me all the time, I don’t know if they do the same with others, but I never asked you what you thought of me, so no thank you I don’t need to know if you think I’m too deep, or think too hard, or talk too much, or care too much, or get too passionate. I don’t need to know how I’m perceived by you, if I ask out of curiosity please do tell, but if I don’t then, what are you doing?
Next time you find someone judging you and or caring about whether or not they will, her is what you need to do: not give a fuck. “Oh she just swore, so not classy?” Bet some may have judged me that way; read behind the words and get the intent, free yourself from others views. The less you judge others, the less you will care if others judge you.
I cared too much, my whole life I cared too much and I didn’t even know that I had a choice; a choice of not caring. Isn’t that interesting? That you are not even aware that you can choose not to care about what others think and say about you?
I have my leader to thank for this, he’s my inspiration for seeing that I don’t have to apologise for who I am, to anyone. It’s interesting how a role model can appear in your life and help free you from constraints and experiences that you thought were the only way to be. But then you realise that things can be easier and things can be lighter. That we don’t have to carry the load of the judgement of others on our shoulders. That we can just be our authentic selves and yes that may mean sometimes we will get rejected and or people will form views of us that is simply not true; but as he puts it, who cares?
Such a simple question to ask oneself, we care because we think that’s the only choice we have. Well I’m deciding against this and it will take me years before I can let go of the learnings I’ve had for the past 27 years. But I’ve started the process.
So, I don’t care that you think I have big hair, or that I care too much about certain things, or that I have a quirky personality or that I am so deep, or that I’m too thin or too fat, or too pale, or too plain, or too this and too that.
Judge me, judge me all you want; because at the end of the day, it says more about you than it does about me and I hope that one day you will stop wasting your energy and time on others and spend more time to get to know yourself better.
No judgements from me,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 