It’s a Sunday and I’m going through my draft writings and I’ve come across the following draft from over a year ago:
I’m sitting here this Sunday morning feeling over excited about what I want to do today. Have you ever had the struggle of wanting to do more than you can physically find the time and energy for? That is the dilemma I’ve been finding myself in for some time now. I want to experience so much but I don’t know where to start and so I end up procrastinating more than I like. It’s silly because all I need to do is to take a step towards something, but I can’t seem to choose what step I want to take first. As if there is a right or wrong way of going out there and doing the things you want!
I spend too much time thinking about what I want to do as oppose to actually doing it. For exampleome weekends I try to spoil myself with a nice home made breakfast, reading, journalling and meditation. I don’t often get the time to spend some quality time with myself – or if I am being honest I don’t usually make enough time for this because enjoying my own company has been an active practice and not something that comes naturally to me.
I love spending time with friends and loved ones, if I could, I would always spend time in a social setting of some form – that’s where I get my energy from and in the absence of such interactions I find myself often bored, low energy and at times even unhappy depending on how long I’ve gone without a good solid connection.
But, since my break up last year, I’ve decided to actively spend more alone time. To tackle this constant need to be around others to build up my energy levels. I’ve always been distracted with getting to know those around me and being there for them, that I hadn’t spent enough time to investigate who I am and what I can do for myself. Like I said, It’s not something that comes naturally but it is definitely something that everyone should invest in. It’s a practice of self-love, being present and learning more about the hidden secrets within you that can help you with your day to day life.
Good Morning, good afternoon or good night. Whatever time that it is when you are reading this, I hope that you are in a state of peace, a state of joy.
As I read this I realised that I still freeze and procrastinate when I am faced with the options of the various things that I want to do. Frankly, because I’m still a perfectionist and I want to experience everything in a particular way. I overwhelm myself because I have an element of fear of missing out that constantly runs through my mind. The irony of all this is that because I procrastinate I end up missing out on everything! I can’t help but laugh at myself and this ironic loop that I keep finding myself in, I mean come on!
But I also realise, that I’ve become so much better at embracing the alone time and learning to love myself more. To not get mad when the to-do-list doesn’t get ticked off – because a to-do-list doesn’t need to direct my life. I’m the one that put that to-do-list together and I can be the one who changes it. It’s called being flexible and kind to yourself.
For example, today I felt like sleeping in, I felt like being lazy, talking to my family back home and chatting to my friend, I also felt like blogging and reflecting. Which means I’ve not been able to get to my chores, shopping and many tasks that I’d set out to accomplish today. I also felt like being indoors despite knowing that I need to go outside after spending a whole week working from home.
I was getting frustrated with myself, until I read this draft and realised that I don’t have to do everything all at once, I don’t have to accomplish all the time and or to do things perfectly. But I do need to love myself always and not matter what so there’s no point at being mad at myself for not being active today.
I have to continuously remind myself that I need to love myself, be compassionate towards myself and to free myself from the shackles of all the expectations I set. You know what the difference between my current version and the girl who wrote that draft is? That with a simple reminder, I am able to be kinder to myself and won’t be punishing myself for feeling the same way and going through the same lessons a year after. That I will choose to focus on the progress which I’ve made and I will accept that the lesson isn’t over.
Let go of the to-do-lists, they’re there to help you not to add pressure!
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 