There are so many ways of expressing love that often we can miss it when our expressions of it don’t match. We all experience life in our own subjective ways and we all think that we know what’s best for us and those around us. But sometimes, controlling situations can make them more difficult yet sometimes controlling them is the only way we know how to get through them. We can only do what we can do at any point in time. Sometimes we have to hurt those we love in order to protect them and this may sound noble but it’s also a decision we make for others without asking what it is that they need and if this is something that they need protection from.
I’ve come to experience love in many different ways and I know that I will continue to experience love in new ways until the day that I die. It’s just the nature of such a complex experience. I mean it’s simple, love is love and everything is made of love. But it takes form in different dynamics based on the package in which humans come as. The ego, the experience, the world creates forms of love that vary from each other.
Earlier this year, I had a loved one make a decision for the two of us which I logically agreed with but emotionally couldn’t accept. Because I know that that there is a way around logic, there is always a solution to a problem; but emotions, they’re complicated and sometimes you just have to take risks with them. I can’t help and wonder sometimes if his choice was out of love or if it was out of fear. I can’t help but wonder if his fears would have become reality or if taking the risk would have been the best decision for us?
There is no point reflecting on the past, because you can’t control it, the same way you can’t control the future. You can’t really control much except how you think about things and the attitude you decide to take towards different experiences.
As I go through my journey of letting him go, I came across a poem I had written based on the way he saw the cross-roads that we were faced with. It’s not been easy trying to let go, but I understand that this is where we both need to be right now. Everything happens for a reason and I am sure one day all of this will make sense to both of us. Maybe it already makes sense but we don’t want to accept it, because accepting it means letting go of all the ‘could’ be scenarios.
This is dedicated to everyone who is faced with a cross-road in love and decides to choose the logical path, instead of taking the risk involved:
I asked if you care?
You said please don’t dare,
You said don’t open the wounds of my broken heart, don’t ask me to tear out my heart.
I asked don’t you love me, care for me or want to hold me close?
You said can’t you see? It’s you I’m protecting from my own ghost.
I asked, why won’t you let me help or hold your hand?
You said, my darling, it’ll burn you to the ground. Why set fire to a flower and leave nothing but dust?
I asked why do you torture me with this lust?
You said, it may appear that way but I swear to you it’s love.
I said don’t you understand, I want nothing but to hold your hand,
You said you cannot hold mine back.
The fear of hurting me, burns you to the core,
I told you I’m stronger than what you give me credit for.
I pushed you to be brave, to try and to let me stay,
But you’ve already started to walk away.
I’ve been left with no choice but to watch you go,
And after all this time, I’m finally ready to let you go.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 