We will always go through ups and downs, through wins and losses, through joy and sadness, through clarity and ambiguity, through various learning and lessons. This feeling of losing control is always going to feel scary to me, but the more I accept that I can’t control everything and or things will not be perfect, the more I become comfortable with facing the fear I have of letting go.
Recently, I’ve been challenged by a couple of people whom I’ve met and whom have shown me my own blind spots. In life, like in a car, we all have blind spots and no matter how much we adjust the mirrors there will always be a blind spot. Sometimes you forget about these blind spots because the mirrors help you get through 99.9% of the situations with clarity, safety and confidence. You adjust your mirrors overtime you notice a blind spot, but the thing is when you re-adjust your mirrors you’re only creating new blind spots!
Life is somewhat similar to that, we become comfortable with the way we’ve setup our ‘mirrors’ that we use to navigate through our experiences and forget that when the time comes to evolve we are faced with certain blind spots that are unexpected. For example, we become used to the narratives that we tell ourselves at work, in our relationships, about our bodies and or with context to the cards that we’ve been dealt with. We become blinded to these narratives and believe them to be the truth. But it’s our choice to change their tone to be kinder and more compassionate towards ourselves. So, when we interact with others they can remind us (similar to a car in the other lane honking at us), that hey, there is something in your narrative that is unkind and or which needs your attention.
The intent is not to have blind spots, that’s striving for perfection and full control which is both impossible and unhealthy. The intent is to be aware that you have blind spots that in different circumstance will require your attention.
My current blind spots are with regard to becoming guarded and fixed in my ways. I came out of a relationship which has made me adjust the mirrors in a way that will give me full control of the decisions I make in my life by pursing my needs and wants and not investing in the needs of others. I needed space to grow, to love me, to do what I needed to do and learn about who I am and who I want to be. But in the process of doing so, I’ve also built a shield that I use to push people away, without even realising that I’ve done this. I now realise that I was so desperate to remove the blind spot of over-caring and over-commitment that I now don’t even know how to share my ‘space’ without the fear of having someone come in and renovate it. I was so laser focused on becoming independent and free that I have forgotten how to let people in to both care for me and for me to care for them. It’s like I don’t know how to share myself without getting lost and how to care for someone without neglecting myself.
These are new blind spots, because in the past I wouldn’t have hesitated to let people into my space and I would’ve actually wanted them to renovate. I also jumped into their space and drowned them with love and care by putting their needs before mine and thinking that this is the only way to love.
But as I’ve evolved I no longer want to be that way but I also equally don’t want to be this way, because both are extreme versions of the scale. I now know that when you love someone you need to respect that you’re both sovereign states – that you work alongside each other and help out but that you are not one person and therefore your needs will differ. That it’s ok to invest in yourself and that you need to water your own garden first but also be ok to share the water so their garden can flourish too. You need healthy boundaries to allow your flowers to bloom side by side.
Seeking this balance won’t be easy because I didn’t even realise that I had developed these blind spots. But now that I’m aware of them, I have to try and re-adjust the mirrors again so that I can focus on these blind spots because on my current path these blind spots are what pose the risk. I’m sure as I go through my evolution journey that new blind spots will form and that I will need to learn that re-adjusting your mirrors is a step you need to take, every time you are about to start a new journey.
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 