It’s easy to forget that others don’t experience the world the same way that we do. When you’re going through any shared experience in life and or are exposed to the same things, you make the assumption that every other person would be thinking, feeling and interpreting things the same way that you do. When you’re in a relationship, you have expectations that your partner feels upset by the same argument, or that your friends put the same amount of energy into the friendship, or that your colleagues get frustrated by the same events at work.
But the reality is that humans lead subjective lives, we are designed in a way which is inherently subjective; sure we learn a certain reason, logic or way of applying science to certain events but ultimately, outside of mathematics, physics and or science all else is rather subjective. This is why psychology has fascinated me because it allowed me to understand that my view, my experiences and my interpretation of the world both starts and ends with me. That I’m unique and so too is everyone else and that we can only ever try and understand what others have to say about their journeys, but ultimately we will never really feel what they feel or think what they think.
When you realise that you can’t ever experience anything the same way as others do, it’s liberating because it means that there is no right or wrong, there is no this or that, there is no us or them; it is merely what programming we’ve been exposed to throughout our lives and then using those programs to then interpret the world in which we live in. Our journey is not about convincing others to see the world as we do, rather it’s about recognising that despite the 7 billion ways in which the world is being experienced, somehow we are all living in harmony and connection. That connection is based on the soul and spirit but we are too distracted to realise that we are all one of the same in our essence but have formed different shades of colours that makes us look different to each other.
My subjective view’s have been tainted by my own personal journey which has involved it’s fair share of adversity, pain, loss and ambiguity. I’ve had so many blessings along the way as well and I’m very grateful to be here right know, looking back and seeing that I’ve been able to overcome so much. But it’s not been easy and certainly when I’ve been going through this path I’ve not realised the impact these experiences would have on me long-term.
But now, I have the space to reflect back on this and would like to start the journey of unlearning. I don’t want my subjective view to be tainted by fear, grief, worry or perfection, I want to shape my subjective view of the world with hope, love, joy and compassion. To do this, I need to embark on a journey whereby I question every thought, every action and every feeling in a loving way.
Unlearning is more difficult than learning, because you can’t always tell what it is that you are trying to unlearn. Sometimes it may mean relearning something else, but either way it’s a process that can be slow and complex. It’s worth it though, because you get to go into the depths of yourself that helps provide clarity and peace. Sometimes the process may need to be repeated and that’s ok! It’s important that we don’t look at this as a linear process, but instead a squiggly journey that involves a lot of back and forth.
You may ask what is motivating me to go through this unlearning, relearning and new learning. The reason is because I want to be more compassionate, less judgement and more at peace with myself and others. I don’t want to feel frustrated, alone, disappointed, angry or judgemental anymore. I want to honour others even if I don’t fully understand them and I want to be able to go forth about setting positive change in the world around me in the most fair, just and kind way.
The complexity of human existence is that we always have a balance to maintain between the material world and the sacred world. There is always the need to understand the importance of social structure, etiquette and way of being in the world. But also equally, I don’t want to react to the world I want to be centred so that I can be deliberate in my place here. What that place is I don’t know and time will tell, but ultimately things don’t have to be as complicated or as difficult as the ego makes them.
Rumi puts it eloquently when he says “raise your words, not your voice, it is the rain that grows the flowers not thunder”. In a world where there is so much pain, suffering and distraction only love and kindness can help shed the light towards a better place. This love and kindness first needs to flourish within us towards ourselves, before we are able to share it with the world around us. We are all so capable of so much beauty, so much wonder and so much love. It just depends on how willing we are to go through the hard yards to get ourselves there.
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 