Recently I was challenged on my belief of where I place my safety. It was an interesting trigger, because my whole adult life I have attached safety to some form of financial or materialistic output. Something external to me, like a job, financial stability, plans, clarity of next steps, goals or just knowing. But when I was challenged on how I perceived safety I realised that despite perceiving those things as safety, I have never really felt safe.
This was an eye opener because I realised that I’m chasing an idea and a belief that will ultimately never manifest itself and therefore, I will never feel safe no matter how many goals I meet, what career I build, how much money I earn or what plans I set. Of course, there is a sense of security that comes for us as humans when we have the means to provide or our basic needs such as food and shelter, but that doesn’t take away the feeling of being unsafe it only makes you feel secure enough to worry about all the ways that you feel unsafe, or unsettled.
I started reflecting on what safety really means and realised that in the type of life I’ve lived, I’ve only ever experienced real threat in the face of particular circumstances and around very few strangers when I’ve been alone at night for example. I have also experienced danger and threat from abusive partners who have manifested their own pain into unhealthy expressions towards me. But that’s their problem and not mine so I don’t want to dwell into that right now.
I was asked to then think about when I feel unsafe and apart from remembering the occasional experiences, I realised that majority of my experiences with feeling unsafe are placed in my own thoughts. I feel the safest when I am not controlled by my own fearful thoughts and projections. This has really opened a door of reflection for me, because I am trying to unpack this fully. Does this mean that one can possibly be safe at all times if one can have healthy, positive thoughts that don’t place fear and anxiety into their periphery? I dare say the answer would be yes because I am sure there are plenty of people who don’t feel unsafe on a day to day basis.
This realisation was incredibly powerful to me, because it helped me see a blindspot of my own. I’ve always known and believe that our narratives shape our experiences but this was at a deeper level of realisation that all the worries I’ve had and the fears of being unsafe that I’ve attached to external experiences is a manifestation of my own thoughts. As I’ve come to understand, realising those external wins didn’t make me feel any safer. Instead, breathing deeply during meditation, praying fully and calming down my thoughts is where I find the most safety of all.
What if it was that simple? It doesn’t make the process easier, but the concept is rather simple. That all we have to focus on is the internal thought process that takes us to the space of feeling unsafe, unseen, unheard, unloved, unwanted etc. whatever it may be for you. The thoughts we attach to our experiences will always taint our flavour of the world. If our thoughts are dark and self-critical there will alway s be bitterness, if the thoughts are bright and loving, we can taste sweetness.
Once you get yourself to the space of peace and clarity, you will be able to manifest the external experience in a more lighter way. So, you can still tick off your goals, build a career or even make the millions, but these achievements will not be there to fulfil an internal need, they’re just there as a form of you manifesting a type of lifestyle that you’d like to live. One that is both rich in peace and glory.
Whilst you’re in isolation, observe your thoughts. Observe what you can and maybe get guidance from those around you to act as a sounding board, so that you can find your blind spots. Free yourself from the barriers which are harming you and taking away your joy. When you realise your own mental traps, critical narratives and unhelpful patterns you can start the journey of healing, self-compassion and kindness. This journey won’t be overnight, but it will be worth every attempt.
Love Always,
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 