Who am I?
How does one possibly answer a question so vast and vague? So temporary and fluid?
I used to think that the things I associated with my identity would be adequate responses to this old age question of, who am I?
But I have been stripped of my identity in so many ways throughout the past few years, where I’ve been challenged on the labels I used to be so attached to. The labels are still used as adjectives to describe me, to share more about me and to inform others if they need a summary to judge on. But ultimately my gender, my race, my religion, my country of residence, my roles and physical attributes are all shallow expressions of a body going through the motions of life. They are every changing and have come to be as a result of circumstance.
I always admire people who utilise fashion and art to express themselves, they’re often the ones that look like free spirits and a bit hippie like, they are trying to express the freedom and vastness of their souls through the flowing material, colourful jewellery and rebellious haircuts; but fashion still doesn’t do it for me. I think when you ask the question of Who am I, the first thing you have to remember is that you’re ever changing and not a stagnant pond. So however you describe yourself, it is only true at that point in time and may no longer be relevant come tomorrow.
We are all made up of a combination of the things that make us feel life deeply. The parts of us that we can’t describe yet know exist. The parts that are confusing for us to understand because we can’t associate them with anything specific. The parts of us that feel love, joy, expansion and presence. I’m not talking about our feelings or experiences either. We are not defined by how we feel or experience life. We are not defined by anything that is human, we are the parts of us that we have no words for.
Sometimes we can get a glimpse of this vast soul, maybe in the moments where a song we love starts playing, when we do belly laughs, in the space between a hug where we meet another soul, in the moment where we see an act of kindness, the moments we are drawn to dance, the moments we feel all the pain in the world because we saw something heartbreaking on the news, or the awe we experience when we see a little kitten.
In these moments, we catch a glimpse of our real selves, she’s often subtle but she’s powerful. She’s non-judgemental and kind, full of life and love. She’s the part of us that is always there, but we don’t know how to tap into and how to flourish. We’re so distracted by the labels, by the associations, the attachments and by what we need to be in the world in order to belong and be accepted that we often go through life never exploring her. It’s such a shame how we are not taught about our inner strength, wisdom and intuition as kids. It would have made life so much easier, but perhaps that’s part of the grand design of a society that is built on capitalism. The less we realise that we don’t need anything external to us, the more money we will spend to fill the voids that have been dug within us.
It’s made me realise how conditioned we have become and I really don’t like the cages that I’ve been pushed into. I don’t like how we have to cut our wings to fit in so that others can feel comfortable. I don’t like how those who seem to be the most lost are in power and dictating to the rest of us how to live and experience life.
So coming back to the question of who am I? I am the one who loves dessert, the one who wants to laugh all the time but instead takes things way too seriously, the one that has a dirty humour and is quirky when comfortable amongst friends. I’m the soul that expresses her heart through words and writing, who is curious about almost everything that can expand our experience as humans and that can engage my sensitive nature. I am the soul that constantly battles with an ego that is hungry for power and ambitious desires, the one who is unwilling to conform. I am the one who wants to dance wherever I can and hug those that make my heart thump. I am the girl who is grumpy when sleep deprived and excited when there is food and her favourite people in the same room. The one who searches for the expression on the faces of others to see how their days are going, the one who wonders if everything must be so complex and why we don’t all just love and give to each other like the kind souls we are?
We’re complex beings, we are not defined by the roles we’ve occupied, the religion we follow, the profession we choose, the clothes we wear or even our race and gender. We are vast, deep and infinite. We are all the same at our core and therefore, there is no I or you; there is just us. But that space can only be revealed once we all realise that there is no space between the depths of our core.
Spread your wings, find your depth, you are full of light and beauty. She’s worth the search.
Love yourself.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 