A few weeks ago I was presented with a really interesting cross-road by the universe. I had been approached by two recruiters about two completely different roles. One was for a major global hedge-fund and the other was for a large international charity. Ironically enough, both have had the roles cease, but that experience in itself was a lesson that the universe presented to me. It was an intersection between my ego and my soul. On the one hand, there was a role that would feed all my egotistical insecurities and desires, one that would make me proud, a little arrogant and satisfied with knowing that I can tell all the haters that they were wrong about my abilities. On the other hand, I was presented with an opportunity that would allow me to finally explore my curiosity of working for a charitable organisation that actually makes an important impact in the world.
I thought that it was ironic that these opportunities both came up at the same time, actually only a day apart. It was presented to me at a really important time, where I was trying to tap back into my soul and centre and realised that my desire and thirst for things like ambition, material success and power are very much so still very strong within me. There is nothing wrong with having these desires but I personally don’t want to be defined or motivated by them. I have let my ego steer my path before and with it always comes stress and the type of discomfort that puts you down not the type that helps you grow. So for me, these two opportunities acted like mirrors which reflected back two different parts of me.
I realised in that moment that I want to live a life that is authentic my creativity, wisdom and intuition. That I am most at peace when I’m connected to the wonder inside of me and the part of me that allows me to flow and dance through life, instead of the part of me that plans and structures it all. That being said, I do want to also explore the parts of me that thrive with power, ambition and materialism. I started feeling a bit guilty and confused and then I realised that like all things else, it’s really important to understand what drives you and also how you can find balance in your life.
Working for a hedge-fund doesn’t make you any more capable than working for a charity, it doesn’t make you any more worthy, likeable, good enough or successful. It may temporarily validate you, but the insecure mentality of going into corporate to seek validation will only cause you more insecurities once you get in there. So, I realised that if I do pursue my career down the path of power, ambition and success I need to be honest with myself about having these desires but also know that my authentic self would only reap the benefits of these if I don’t neglect the parts of me that build my inner confidence, my self love and my self worth.
It’s funny how life keeps presenting you with all sorts of challenges, cross roads and opportunities. It’s always giving you the mirror that you need to see your reflection in, the question is, if you’re looking into the mirror and truly seeing what it is you need to see, or whether or you’re looking at the mirror and merely observing the reflection at a glance.
Neither of the roles have come into fruition and that is ok. They’ve done what they were meant to do. They’ve made me aware of the so many questions I still need to explore, they’ve highlighted the parts of my complex being that are trying to find a way to live in harmony and they’ve also given me perspective about what truly brings me joy.
Pay attention to those mirrors.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 