This morning I woke up to some wonderful news and my first reaction was happiness and celebration, but within a few minutes that all got drowned under worry and painful predictions of the future. Suddenly the good news felt like a dangerous thing, something that would hurt me and that it will take away all sort of safety and security. I even went as far as thinking it may possibly lead to the loss of life, myself or my loved ones.
These thoughts, they’re anxious thoughts – they are the type of thoughts my brain has become accustomed to over the past 20 years. At some point in my life, they served me well because they enabled me to navigate certain scenarios, but now, they’re destructive and out of date. They’re only there to take away the joy and happiness that I could be experiencing instead. So, when they started taking over, my body was begging me to get onto the yoga mat and not distract myself. So I got up and started doing yoga, paying attention to my breath and my body and just letting my body take over as I danced my way through the different poses.
This process of coming out of my mind and into my body, has proven to be a useful mechanism for me over the past few months. I’m still exploring it and know that I have a lot more to learn, but I think I get it now. I think our bodies are continuously guiding us through our lives, knowing exactly what we need. But we’re so distracted that we can’t pick up on the signals. I know I personally live in my mind and when I try to flee from it I tap into my soul. I used to view my body as just the shell that stores it all. Oh how I was wrong! It’s not just a shell that stores my mind and soul, it is a lot more sophisticated than that. I think perhaps it’s what harmonises the battle between one’s mind and soul. It’s where the two have to meet and learn how to dance with each other so that they can maintain rhythm.
I read a quote from Deepak Chopra the other day that was incredibly powerful. He said:
A gut feeling is actually every cell in your body making a decision. – Deepak Chopra
For me, this really struck home because I’ve never really trusted my gut feeling thinking that there is no value in it. That one’s logic and or experience is far more valuable but actually our logic is flawed and can be hindered by bias and mental traps that are limiting. Our bodies, they are much wiser and much more sensitive to the energy around us. They have implicit memories not just from our own experiences, but from our ancestors.
It can be hard to differentiate between the mind and body experience, because when you experience your feelings or mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, you are experiencing them with your body. These experiences are your body responding to the mind condition that has been able to take charge. I’m still exploring this myself but what I do know is that this morning when I had the flood of anxiety trying to rush through me, I recognised the inception as a thought in my mind. I recognised how one single thought very quickly evolved into multiple thoughts and I realised that I was observing the whole experience. Suddenly, I realised that all my body was tensing and that it was starting to curl up into a ball. I’ve only become more attentive to these subtle experiences because of my yoga and meditation practices. From these same practices, I’ve come to understand and learn that I can stop the flood from turning into a tsunami if I just paused, acknowledged the thoughts, breathed deeply and allowed my body to lead instead of my mind; hence the desperate call for yoga.
I recognise that these thoughts aren’t there to hurt me, they are just a replay of learned reactions from the past. From a spiritual level, they are my ego’s legacy trying to maintain its control and grip on my life. At a mind level, they are the result ongoing conditioning whereby stress and worry have become more secure for me than joy and peace. At a body level, they are hijackers that have taken control away from my body, or at least that was what I used to think.
These thoughts require a lot of deliberate attention and work. They need to manifest themselves out in a healthy way. They’re not to be ignored or suppressed, instead they need to be acknowledged with non-judgement, patience, love and space. Despite being able to identify all this, I know that today I will continue to go through a range of unpleasant thoughts and feelings, but I will try and tap into my body using my breath so that I can remind myself of the present moment.
I do struggle with the conditioned mind, with the anxiety, with the worries that come from 2 decades of living and breathing in uncertainty and threat. But, what I also know, is that whatever has been doesn’t have to continue, that if I work hard enough I will eventually get through the pain and find a different version of me that is not going to struggle with these battles.
The same applies to everyone, to anyone who is going through a difficult time. Just remember, your thoughts are far stronger than you know. That the pain you are feeling may seem real but it’s manufactured by a brain that is responding to circumstance. Remember that you have wisdom in your body and if you allow your body to guide you, you will be able to find your retreat.
Inhale. Exhale. Deeply. Intentionally. Repeat.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 