I have recently conducted a values inventory, which is basically going through a list of words and identifying the ones that best describe your values. This is an exercise that I’ve done a handful of times throughout my life, I do it every few years as I evolve and change throughout my journey. It’s a great way to discover the version of you that is today, the version of you that has got you here and the version of you that you would like to evolve and expand into.
As I was conducting the exercise, I noticed that I am a lot more clear about who I am and that my mind is less foggy and confused. I was selecting values that mattered to me, not values that I thought I should have or that others have. It’s important to be honest with yourself, so that you can correctly identify where and how you are going to invest your time, energy and feelings. I was also able to get another benefit from this activity as it helped me regain a different perspective towards my 20s. I realised that throughout my 20s I was trying so hard at everything, so that I can belong and be accepted. But I realise now, that you don’t have to try so hard and that you only need to grant yourself permission to BE.
The older I am getting the more I appreciate and differentiate between improving oneself and evolving into different versions of yourself. Though the difference may appear subtle, it is significant in terms of how you perceive yourself and your experiences. When you aim to improve something, you are trying to make it better than what it currently is, therefore, there is an implied flaw or a sense that something is not enough. Whereas, if you accept that as a human you are going to evolve throughout your life, you are acknowledging that you are going to develop gradually. This subtle change of language can really shift how you look and feel about yourself.
When you are trying really hard in life, you miss the whole experience of it. You are going through the motions but you are not really feeling the journey. You are up and down, but struggle to stay in the constant. Every corner we turn there is talk about self-improvement, but it’s just another way that we are made to feel insecure about ourselves. There is no need to improve yourself, you just need to be open to developing and expanding as you evolve through your life. I know that for me, this translates into learning more about what I actually enjoy, what I want to invest my time and energy in and what understanding what feels authentic to me.
Arriving at this realisation now, I have started to perceive my 20s with more kindness and compassion. I now recognise that one’s 20s is meant to be hard, it’s meant to be full of difficult challenges and exposure to various aspects of your human dimension. It’s a big chapter in your life’s evolution. What makes it more difficult is questioning why it is that way, because we are never informed that it needs to be that way. If I recognise my 20s for what they were truly meant to be, I won’t recall them as a difficult time where I wasn’t able to make the most of them, rather, I can look back on them and realise they were a success, because they were exactly what they needed to be – really flipping hard!
It’s the language we adopt that makes a difference to how we perceive ourselves and our experiences. My 20s were critical to my soul evolution and without them, I wouldn’t be able to afford the luxury of letting go right now. I can only understand the concept and value of letting go, because I was trying so hard to grip onto everything I could possibly control. I’m sure that the future will be full of its own type of challenges and difficulty, but I think I now understand how important my own frame of mind and perspective is in how I experience this journey.
As humans we really need to adjust our expectation of what life is meant to feel like. It’s meant to have a whole broad and varying spectrum of experiences and feelings. So we need to give ourselves the permission and space to feel it all, with tenderness and observation. To not judge ourselves and or compare our journey’s, rather, love it and embrace it as best we know how at each point.
Whatever phase of your evolution you are in, you’re doing a great job. It may not feel that way now, but your future self will one day thank you for persevering.
Love yourself.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 