Sometimes we have this need to want to fix everything and everyone. We’ve become used to finding solutions and answers. For the knowing. But that’s not how things always pan out and actually, sometimes the discomfort is exactly what we need. Sometimes, space is the only thing that we can provide and that has to be enough. I have been a problem solver, it’s what I’ve seen growing up, it’s what I’m good at and until a few years ago thought it was what you do for those you love and care for. Only for the past few years I’ve realised that actually the best thing you can do for people is to hold space for them. Not to give them space and walk away, no. But instead, to hold space for them so that they can be what they need to be as they go through their transformation and pain.
Holding space is something I’m trying to get better at. It’s a skill and a really hard one to get good at, especially if you’ve never seen it role modelled and or even knew about the concept! I started out with understanding what it meant for me, for me holding space is essentially not judging others, not controlling their pain, not intervening but instead, practicing silence, discomfort, listening and inquisitiveness. It requires asking others what they need, instead of assuming what they need. It’s being vulnerable and letting them know if you can’t deliver. It’s knowing that they have the right to go through the transformation and that you can only be there in the background to support them when they need to feel deeply, but that you are not responsible for making the discomfort go away.
Holding space is really uncomfortable at first, but then, through practice it becomes really holy and powerful. It becomes a harbour of love, kindness and compassion. A place where you let others become. We are not responsible for the happiness and peace of others, we are only responsible for ourselves. Happiness is infectious, so if you’re happy, you are already helping others with their healing. Think about it, how many times have you felt stressed or angry after a big vent from a group of friends? How many times have you felt happy after a comedy? We all mirror each other and the energy we give out. We each do this to a different degree, depending on how we are wired. But everyone enjoy being around happy, uplifting individuals. It’s what we all desire.
There is so much negativity in the world, so much fear and so much distraction. So, maybe by working on own happiness and holding space for others to reach their own happiness, we will be able to heal and love our dear ones in the best way possible. I know that this is going to be a lesson that I will have to learn and unlearn a few times until I find the right balance. Until I master it in a way that becomes natural to me. Patience, love and kindness, extend it within first and then you can start pouring it into the cups that others have.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 