The past is done but sometimes it’s not dusted and that’s when we may need to roll our sleeves up and dust the pain and beliefs away so that we can regain the shine in our eyes and hearts. There are many layers to this but it eventually pays off. This pandemic has forced me to take a hard look at some of my thinking patterns that were incredibly outdated and full of self-doubt, hopelessness and distrust. These thoughts have been shaped and formed over the years for various reasons. But, I recognise now that I have the choice to let these thoughts form control me or if I acknowledge them and kindly let them go.
Yesterday, I recognised that all the feelings I used to closely associate with my life are no longer relevant, but, I still utilise them to describe my narratives, like as though they’re on auto-pilot. For example, when you are going through the potential loss of a family member you can’t help but think about the future, when you think about the future you try to solve for various problems, you try to find answers and do things that will increase the chances of survival, this all leads into the habit of worrying which is reasonable and understandable when you are in the midst of the experience. But, once you have overcome it and or once circumstances have changed, worrying is no longer going to serve you. In a normal day to day life, you don’t always have to search for answers. In fact, learning to sit with the ambiguity and enjoying the present moment is where you will find your answers!
I used to also believe that you can’t have too much good happen in your life, because it’s not how life works. Life is mostly bad things happening which you need to manage and then from time to time you get good things come along to reward you. I now recognise how toxic this thinking is! Not only is this type of thinking not healthy, it’s also not an accurate depiction of life. Life is whatever you would like to pay attention to. In the midst of the beauty you can find thorns and in the midst of the fire you can find the power of transformation. It just depends on what you decide to look at, in any one point. This decision is a muscle that you need to cultivate through practice. It’s not going to come easy and it won’t always be the default response, but it will be the difference between hating your life and valuing it, regardless of what is happening.
When I turned 30 I realised that there were many words that no longer served my experience of life. That worry doesn’t have to be my go to default thinking, that fear doesn’t have to be the motivating factor for my decisions, that self-doubt doesn’t have to be the catalyst for learning etc. Instead of worry, I decided to practice excitement for what the future could hold, knowing that no matter what it holds I will find my way through it. Instead of fear motivating my decisions, paying attention to joy and where I can seek it the most is the best way to pursue life. Instead of doubting myself every time I’m faced with the unknown, applying my curiosity to learn will allow me to expand myself and grow more confidence. These are all the different sides of the same coin, we are all capable of worry and we are all capable of trusting. It’s a matter of practice.
In life, we need to find the balancing act between letting our experiences help us without defining us. There is a quote by Rumi that summarises it beautifully:
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. – Rumi
What a profound and incredibly deep statement. I’m starting to realise that you become better at balancing this by becoming more present. The more present you are, the more you are able to embrace the experiences and also let them go as they pass. Don’t be afraid of letting go of the past or the future. Don’t feel intimidated by letting go of the control and or the analysis you have become accustomed to. You are exactly who you need to be at any point in your life. If you find the way back to yourself you will be able to trust yourself. Start the spring clean and dust away the beliefs and narratives that are dulling your shine.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 