It dawned on me that I place my value in relationships on my ability to care for those around me. I see myself as a carer, as someone who can help others feel safe, loved, supported and perhaps encouraged and celebrated. I’ve always assumed that these are required for friendships and relationships, I don’t even really know how to be otherwise. But, there is a fine line between caring for others because you love them and caring for others because you fear that they won’t love you back if you don’t. This subtle line is where I need to re-evaluate myself and find the balance that enables me to love and give without forgetting to love and give to myself also.
I need to shed the belief that if you’re not actively adding value to someone else’s life then you’re not cultivating the friendship. Instead I’d like to believe and trust that we select our friends and relationships because of the people they are and not what they fulfil in us or for us. I’m slowly starting to pay attention to how my body responds to the interactions I have, because this is how I can identify who makes me feel loved and supported as I am vs. who makes me feel needed because of what I do. With this discovery, I can then determine how I choose to invest my energy and time in my relationships, so that I don’t feel depleted. It takes the pressure off of trying to be there all the time for everyone around you.
Thanks to a beautiful friend of mine, I now realise that true friends appreciate your worth and value for the person that you are in the world, regardless of your circumstances and what you can offer them. I’ve underestimated the value I bring to the lives of my loved ones and also have incorrectly associated lack of engagement or loyalty with a measure of my own self-worth and likability.
What a liberating feeling to know that those around you are there because of who you are and not what you do. I am slowly trying to unlearn the negative narratives that cause self-doubt in me when certain friendships change or end. That’s what good and healthy relationships are meant to do, the more they change and or renew the more it indicates that you are evolving and growing yourself as a person. Yes this can sometimes be sad, but it’s always a blessing to find it hard to say goodbye to people instead of finding it a relief that there is an end.
As part of my soul journey, I am slowly starting to identify the narratives that make me feel less than adequate. Just because I’ve lived with these unhealthy narratives for this long, doesn’t mean I have to do so for the rest of my life! This is the beauty of adulthood, you get to choose how you would like to experience your life and if you don’t have the tools you need at this moment, you can always work on sharpening them so that you can get to where you would like.
Be kind to yourselves.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 