Loves Evolution

What is love? A heavy and big loaded question which I won’t go into unpacking here. All I want to say is that we each have associations and beliefs attached to this big word, which will ultimately influence our experience with it, particularly in a romantic setting. For me, this has been a question that I’ve been trying to unpack for a very long time and I am still no where near close to the answer. Though what I can say is that my beliefs, associations and narratives have evolved and been challenged in so many ways throughout the years. I used to have a very romantic and emotional perception of the word love, the type you’re subjected to in the movies. But to be honest, this perception wasn’t a very happy or healthy one.

As I’ve evolved and removed myself from a Hollywood definition to a real world definition which is more authentic to me, I’ve realised that love is something that has to begin with oneself in order to extend to someone else. That it’s not about fulfilling needs or filling a void, it’s about expanding and becoming brighter than you can on your own. I have come to realise that the first step in the journey is within yourself, then out towards your partner. Love doesn’t have terms and conditions and it’s not something that can ever end, if it was truly there from the start. I’ve also come to realise that the love of your life is not someone else, it is yourself. But falling into love with yourself will be a hard journey if you have unhealthy narratives being fed to you by your ego.

This poem is somewhat of an expression of my dance with love and how it has evolved. It is packed with feelings and growth for me and I hope it resonates with others too. Whatever path you are on, whatever definition of love you have, I hope it is one that is expanding and beautiful.

Loves Evolution:

I don’t know what it is I miss,

If it is your smile, your touch or your kiss,

I don’t know if I long for saying hi or saying bye,

For holding you close or closing my eyes,

I don’t know if it will ever be,

Our beautifully tragic love story,

But I hope that I can find a way,

To let you know that I’ve not gone away,

That I have not forgotten about who you are,

That I think about you when I look above at the stars,

That I know our story wasn’t meant to be,

But I don’t hold anything against destiny,

Sometimes in life we have to take paths that are unforeseen,

We must let go of those we had come to be,

In a way we need to set ourselves free,

Sometimes life is not fair,

It hurts to breath in the air,

But we are not as vulnerable as we feel,

Sometimes we need more time to simply heal,

I have become accustomed to the ever changing stream,

Life is not what we always dream,

I dance in the hallways and corridors searching for your smile,

But it has been forever and awhile,

Since I’ve seen your eyes, held your hands and touched your face,

I can’t imagine that we would ever be able to outrun this race,

I pause, I run, I fall, I stop,

Who am I even looking for, am I lost?

I turn into the mirror and see my reflection in an empty space,

I realise now that I was searching in the wrong place,

It was not you whom I was seeking to find,

I was searching for my own heart inside my mind,

I could’t find her, that’s not where she resides,

No, she shines brightly inside my eyes,

I look back with awe and love,

I whisper softly, I’m sorry for being gone for so long,

We embrace each other with warmth and tenderness,

I’m no longer in need of you, I have her in my chest.

 

 

Love Always,

M