Relationships require effort, but what they don’t require is one person losing themselves to save and or lift another. We have this false belief that we are responsible for our loved ones, that we somehow have to make sure they’re always happy and that we make their lives fulfilling and peaceful. But my experience has shown me that when you put the joy and happiness of those around you above your own, you start losing sight of your own joy and peace. When that happens, you’re of no help to anyone, including yourself.
Sometimes we have to accept that no matter how much we love someone, we are not the right match for them. When our energies and intentions don’t align in life, we have to learn to let go so that we don’t have to lose ourselves in the process. I had this realisation after 5.5 years of continuing in a relationship that was both beautiful and really difficult. I was young and still learning, so I didn’t realise that it was important for me to prioritise myself in the relationship and to not mother my partner in the process. But I get it, it’s hard to find the right balance between caring for your partner and wanting to make everything better for them.
I’m sure my ex felt the same about me, I’m sure he would have felt frustrated by having to take care of me too because of the things I was going through. But I recognise now that when you are being drained by your relationship, it often means that you’re not aligned with the person and that it doesn’t take away your love or the specialness of your relationship, it’s just that you may need to make hard decisions about what matters most to you.
We get one life, one precious life, so we have to find ways to manifest joy and peace everyday for ourselves. Not through others or for others, but within ourselves and for ourselves. I know it takes courage, but ultimately it will be worth the effort.
This poem is dedicated to anyone who is in a relationship where they may feel stuck, drained, unhappy, defeated or exhausted from trying so hard.
Confused loved:
What do you want me to say?
That everything will be ok?
Would you like me to take away the pain?
Or to stop the pouring rain?
Who can I call and what can I do?
Is there anything in my control that will help in loving you?
Where do you want to go?
What do you need to hear?
Help me find the answers my darling, because they’re unclear.
Am I required to sweep in and free you from these chains?
Or do you need me to keep guard and make you feel safe?
Do I have to give you space or cuddle up?
Am I meant to stay quiet or scream at the top of my lungs?
Do you need me to do more or maybe less?
I don’t know how to take away all your stress.
Am I meant to walk towards the light or sit with you in the dark?
Am I meant to kiss your wounds or patch up your scars?
Do you need to rest or shall we keep going?
I feel so confused, far away from the knowing.
Am I meant to lead or am I meant to follow?
Are we in joy or in sorrow?
Did you want me to tell others to join?
Or to take you away from all that you know?
Am I meant to fall on my knees and pray?
Or am I meant to wander around the streets like a stray?
Help me resurface, I don’t know where to look.
I need some answers, I need to come out of this never ending loop.
You stay silent, you don’t move an inch,
I lose my light behind your eclipse,
I don’t know what to do anymore,
I can’t walk down this empty road,
I look back and see you fade,
I wish I could have held your hand all the way,
I don’t think I ever decided to walk away,
Yet here I find myself, no longer with you in my way.
Sometimes I think about our memories,
Could more have been said in the midst of the misery?
I’ve left the details behind in the expired days.
I realise now that this is what was meant to be,
You were never meant to come this far with me,
I had to let you go so that I can BE.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 