One of the most thought provoking and powerful sayings I’ve heard is “God is always answering our prayers, it’s just sometimes the answer is No”.
It really helps you pause and realise that we don’t always get what we want. Yes this can feel unfair and upsetting, but it is the way of life. If we always got what we wanted, then where would the mystery, growth and change fit in?
One of the things to remember about the answer ‘no’ is that it could just be a temporary no, or not yet. Perhaps the answer is no because you are not yet certain about what you are asking, or ready to receive it in its entirety. Or perhaps, the answer feels like a no, because it is unfolding in ways that are not aligned to your expectation and or imagination.
This is why our perspectives and narratives are so powerful. They can either push us to the ground and crush us, or they can help us regain our enthusiasm, energy and drive to keep gnawing away at what we want. There is a fine line between the desire to control outcomes and fighting for what you truly want. This fine line is really hard to master and identify, it takes a lot of trial and error as well as failure, to be able to establish a clear boundary as to where it starts and where it ends; and in some cases, where it can be flexible.
This morning I received some disappointing news about a job opportunity that not only instilled everything I would have loved to do in my career at this stage in my life, but also the chance to reunite with my partner and get myself back home. I got to the very end, but of course, I knew that the sound decision for the business would be to make a local offer in this current climate. This is upsetting and I had a good cry about it, but I was also proud of how I was able to observe my reactions so that I can fully understand what about this news was making me upset. It is of course the uncertainty attached to my partner and I being able to reunite and build our lives together.
I can allow that worry to turn into a tsunami of fear and lack of control. OR, I can acknowledge it and turn into the fuel I need to continue working towards it. This fuel, can help me find clarity and determination, so that I can focus on the things that I can control and influence, in order to achieve my goal. I don’t know what fate has in store for us, but I do have to hope that it is going to be aligned to what I want. I have to put each foot in front of another and continue on the path that is most clear to me at this stage. That path leads to him and I being together, so I need to do what I can, even if it feels like I’m steering away from it on the surface.
Solutions aren’t always direct, our problems don’t have to have mathematical solutions, they can be more artistic, cryptic, indirect and sometimes all over the place. Perhaps, our solutions are sometimes like a dance, where you just have to go with the flow of the music until you can look at the choreography as a whole and understand it’s full beauty and meaning.
Uncertainty is never comfortable but it also doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. It can be exciting, challenging, unusual, new, different, spontaneous, full of wonder and opportunity. It’s the associations we attach to it that determines our experiences of it. I’ve always attached discomfort and fear to it because I am so high control. I’ve always thought that if you don’t know what to expect, then you won’t be prepared. But in reality, life is uncertain from the beginning to the end. It is never predictable. Certainty is an illusion that we adopt in order to feel peaceful and yet the need to achieve certainty can be one of the most stressful things that robs you of your peace.
I would like to practice embracing uncertainty, understanding what I can control, separate it from what I can influence and accept what is completely mysterious to me. To look into the mystery with a sense of curiosity, courage and confidence. This all takes practice, it takes failure and it takes patience – a sh*t load of patience! Not to mention an infinite amount of self-compassion and self-love.
If it was meant to be easy, it would be so dull and boring. Maybe I need to stop resisting and start practicing the art of living.
Gentle.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 