As you get older and dare I say wiser, you start seeing things in a different way, possibly in a more truer way. This process isn’t always easy, because it can breakdown some of the fundamental beliefs we had of ourselves, others and the world.
As a perfectionist, I was rather oblivious and naive to the flaws of those around me, of my own flaws and that of the world. As I start recognising the flaws in those I love the most, I realise that the image I had of them in my head is not a true reflection of who they are, but who I would have liked them to be. I have started to recognise that my image of them was a lot more idolised than human, that it was based on what I had hoped them to be. So of course, I am disappointed to learn that they too are merely human, and that they’re full of flaws and in some instances completely incapable of what I had pictured them to be. For me it has been hard to reconcile the ideas of people I had with the versions that they really are. Reality isn’t as kind, as beautiful and as fair as the illusion. Reality is full of edges, contradictions and difficult truths.
So what does that mean? The natural response is pain, disappointment, hurt and anger but afterwards, when the dust settles, what then? Do we turn our backs on those we can’t understand? Or do we find ways to maintain the relationships because we ourselves are loyal and loving people? I don’t think there is any right answer to this, I think that we all have to choose what type of life we lead. The most important point to remember is that in the process of trying to accept others, you don’t abandon yourself. There has to be a friendly boundary whereby you don’t have to lose yourself in order to be around those whom you can’t agree with and or understand. I know that compassion, kindness and love are the keys that unlock these dilemmas, but putting them into practice can be hard when you find yourself in a circumstance where you are constantly being dismissed or criticised.
Let’s not forget, that we too are human and therefore flawed as well. Whatever we harbour against others, they harbour something similar towards us. We can’t control how others think, feel or behave but we have full control over our own way of being in the world. We have the power to choose better, to choose kindness and love. To respect our own boundaries and our own needs. To protect ourselves from the critical narratives that we store in our heads. The more you recognise that you are able to shape yourself, the more you feel liberated from the stories that have been fed to us by others. We are constantly limited by what we see, hear and then start to believe about ourselves. Instead of focusing on others, we need to focus in on ourselves so that we can find our way to our own joy and peace.
As for the view of others, the world and how we perceive it. There is a lot of poison in the news, a lot of divisive and negative perspectives. Caution needs to be given towards consuming information that we have readily accessible to us. I have decided that humans are inherently good, that they have to be and there is no point in my judging those who behave in cruel and or closed ways. They too have their story, it doesn’t justify what they do, but getting angry with them won’t solve the problem either. There is a fine balance between standing up for justice and equality through education and appropriate pressure on the powers that be. But I think that the only way we can get more and more people to come onboard with the causes that matter, we need to understand that information alone will not win them over. If it was that simple, then they wouldn’t have been in the opposing group to begin with. As hard as this may be, building connections with those who are opposed to us is the only way we can help them tackle their own fears and open their minds. It is the only way we can help them understand what it is we are fighting for, without them feeling that we are somehow taking away something that is important to them.
We are all flawed, everything is flawed, the quicker you accept that the easier it will be to see reality as it is. I am now starting to realise that flaws do not take away the beauty that can be found all around us. Though it may make it harder for us to recognise the beauty, it is there if we know how to search for it. We have to believe in the beauty, we have to believe in good.
Love yourself.
Love others.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 