How do you feel or aka How are you?
I was thinking recently that the answer to that question is often vague and narrow, almost repetitive as we only use the same set of words such as well, stressed, tired, happy, sad, angry, frustrated etc. But actually, there are a range of feelings that we experience without even knowing what they actually are. Sometimes this is because we are too busy to pay attention to them, other times it can be due to the lack of connection we have with our own feelings and how they differ and sometimes it could simply be that we don’t know the words to label them.
In my feeling vocabulary the word anxious has hijacked a range of other feelings that I seem to be brushing away because I’m not intercepting them correctly. In actual fact, I don’t feel anxious I feel worried, uncertain, out of control, powerless, hopeless etc. Though these may all be associated with anxiety, labelling them accurately helps you manage them more effectively. For example, if I identify that I am worrying it means that my thoughts are rushing ahead and my imagination has partnered with my fears to create stories and narratives that are only going to cause me worry. So, if I engage my pre-frontal cortex, or switch on my rational thinking then I can overcome the worries. This is a different approach to feeling uncertain, because when you know you’re uncertain you can try to scan your environment for more information, research the topic, talk to others about it etc. You may not be able to remove all uncertainty, but you can try to find as much information as you can to feel confident with navigating it.
What’s more, the same applies to positive emotions. Happiness has become our obsession, we are so focused on being happy that we miss a range of other rich and positive emotions such as being at peace, content, grateful, relaxed, pleased, satisfied, proud etc. We seem to bypass most of the positive experiences in our busy lives, like the feeling of joy you have after taking a shower or the feeling of aliveness from your morning coffee, or the satisfaction you get when you complete a project. These are all wonderful feelings that help lift us up, but they may not always be recognised on our pursuit of happiness itself. So, we don’t always hold onto them and or even acknowledge them deeply enough.
I personally have a limited vocabulary when it comes to my feelings and I’ve become curious now to expand on this and see how it will change the experiences I have. I also need to become better at identifying and understanding my different feelings. For example, in this moment as I’m writing this blog there is a feeling within me that I can sense but I can’t seem to label accurately. It’s not satisfaction, it could be joy, possibly relaxation, but I don’t really know – perhaps it’s a feeling that I haven’t learned the word for yet.
How many of these moments and feelings go unnoticed? If they’re unnoticed are they in effect being rejected? How can you honour something if you’re not even acknowledging it accurately? If our feelings were people, think how offended they’d feel when we always called them by the wrong name!
The power of language is indeed very strong, it can shift our whole experience in the world so why not start adding words to our vocabulary that will enable us to feel more expansive and more alive?
Food for thought.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 