I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty, who does? But then again, I don’t like it because I’ve always associated it with some form of threat. As I sit here pondering about what uncertainty actually is, I realise that it is the most beautiful attribute of life. It gives us so many gifts and allows us to make the most of so many things, but that’s only if we don’t fear it and learn to embrace it.
As I think about the future I have a lot of fear that comes up for me. The fear of not knowing if I will ever reunite with my partner, or even worse, if our story will draw to an end or not. But then I remind myself that this fearful thinking which is the consequence of decades of unhealthy thinking habits.
If I don’t rewire my brain and change my thinking patterns, then I will not allow myself to draw different conclusions about my life, nor will I enable myself to write better stories that have happy endings. I need to remind myself that fear cannot determine the future, rather, it only robs me of my present moment. So, I breath and try my best to acknowledge the sadness that comes with loving someone whom you miss and want to hold close to you but you can’t. This sadness can be debilitating if you identify with it, but you can merely acknowledge it and remind yourself that it doesn’t have to take the full tone of the story. This sadness, is a passing guest that will come and go from time to time.
The more I think about the future, the more I think that the unknowns can be embraced instead of feared. The future will always be a mixed bag of the good and the bad, knowing about it won’t change that balance. Knowing what is in the future is irrelevant, the only thing that really matters is the here and now. This is the only moment that is certain, true and real.
This poem is dedicated to anyone going through the uncertainties of life, wishing they could see into the future. Perhaps it’s not the knowing that we are seeking, rather, it is understanding how to sit with all the big and wild feelings that are visiting us right now. They’re overwhelming, but they’re also teachers.
Crystal Ball:
I have a crystal ball that helps me look into the future,
It shows me vibrant colours and shades of grey,
It shows me all I desire and all the pain,
It paints a picture of all I fear,
It shows me losing everything that is dear,
I can also see all the joy,
Every new chapter and all its ploys,
I can see me dancing, with loved ones and those I don’t know,
I can see myself happy and yet full of void,
This crystal ball is not my friend,
It shows me a future that I can’t amend,
It doesn’t allow me to change my path,
Nor does it tell me the truth about the past,
I always thought that the knowing,
Will help me into further growing,
But once you let go of all uncertainty,
Life becomes nothing but a boring story,
One with no surprises and no mysteries,
This crystal ball causes nothing but misery,
I’d rather not know what is coming at all,
I don’t want to worry about the moments that are yet to form,
I want to be here, in this moment lying on the floor,
Doing nothing, seeing nothing, just focusing on my breathing,
Letting the silence take over my hearing,
I want to be present, here, right now,
I want to entertain the wonder of how it will all pan out,
I want my imagination to paint the future that is yet to be,
And yes, there will be fear of the unknowns and uncertainties,
But what a sweet surrender it will be to let it all go,
The unknowns may seem dark at first,
But my eyes will always adjust as my destiny unfolds,
They may make me feel all sorts of ups and downs,
But how wonderful it is to feel all my feelings, all around,
I shatter this crystal ball and watch it break,
I remind myself that my future will be full of all things great,
All I ever need to know, is that the sun is still shining behind the storm.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 