A few weeks ago I came across an online philosophy course by accident and decided to join in and see what it was all about. I didn’t expect much but I truly appreciate these one hour weekly classes now. They have become such a great source of reflection and wonder, but most importantly, they have enabled me to cross paths with such a diverse group of people that I would never come across in my day to day life as we are vastly differently. It’s through the difference that we can really learn about who we are and truly grow.
Peter, the facilitator, does a great job at posing the right questions and getting the conversation going and in doing so – it’s very interesting to see how differently we all perceive, describe and relate to the same thing. It has really given me the space and opportunity to listen to differing views with a sense of curiosity instead of judgement. Even though, some of the views completely clash with mine, it’s the first time that I’ve been able to listen to others talk about something I’m also passionate about and not have the desire to want to change their minds and or challenge their views.
In yesterday’s session, there was a quote that was shared regarding the heart being free from impurity. The question was posed as to what this means to us and for me, it was a lightbulb moment where I recognised that my heart is very clear about everything, unlike my mind! My ego is constantly trying to cause chaos, turbulence and confusion but my heart is always focused on one thing and that is to love. I’ve struggled to maintain an open heart where this love flows freely within and without. I can’t seem to break down the walls that I’ve built out of the fear of experiencing loss, change or any type of pain.
My mind is working so hard to make sure it is directing the narrative of my life, it taints my experiences with the poison from the past and leaves very little space for the present. I know I try hard to grasp the present moment, but I also find it hard to close the tabs in my mind. I get exhausted from this never ending cycle that seems to repeat itself over and over again, but if I pause I can notice the progress that is being made and have to put my faith into the process of growth.
I want to find my way back to my heart and I want to live my life through it. I don’t want my mind to be in control, it has been so far and it has caused nothing but disaster and suffering. Whenever I’ve let the light in through my heart, through my body and my entire being, that’s when life has been the most beautiful for me.
So, as tired as I am, I’m going to keep on trying and one day I will be glad that I never gave up.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 