What a week it has been, after 11.5 months I return back to work and after 6 months, I have my own space to do what I like and live how I want. During these hard times, such basics have been stripped from so many. Yet, there are more people in the world that are denied these basic opportunities than those who have access to it. It makes you realise how blessed and privileged you really are!
So, now that I have two of my ducks in more order what now? Everything should be feeling better? I should be calmer and more relaxed? This is the thing, the moment you bring should into the equation, you are jeopardising your chance for peace and joy. There is no should in life – there is pressure from us to apply should’s so that we can have some form of measure and or expectation to live by.
There are some elements of relief, gratitude and peace for sure, but there is also now new space in my head to fret and worry about other things that aren’t yet in line or in my control. This is a never ending cycle and the only way that it can be broken is to have authentically compassionate and genuinely kind conversations with yourself. To treat yourself with the same level of care and trust that you would a loved one.
I’ve been on this journey for a couple of years now and it has gotten slightly easier – in that I can now identify my own harsh standards and narratives more than I did before, but changing the tone and applying a compassionate touch is always difficult because it still doesn’t come naturally. When you practice, it feels great, you feel energised, loved and accepted. But spring cleaning your mind on a daily basis is really exhausting, somewhat boring and mainly difficult. Or, so thinks and feels a mind that doesn’t enjoy being kind to itself, hmmm, food for thought!
I’m only going to observe myself, I don’t have the energy to deep dive into the root of the problem at the moment because my focus is on settling back into work. The best way that I can be kind is to not judge myself when I’m being incredibly harsh – to observe, to notice and then to let go. I also need a lot of tools on the side to help me, my writing, journalling, yoga, meditation, prayer, sleep, food and friends.
Being kind to yourself requires discipline because the bully in your head isn’t going to go away without a fight!
I see it, I don’t like it, but I won’t be angry with it – going to kill it with kindness.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 