Some mornings, it can be really hard to be positive, especially when you Wake up in a bad mood, remembering all the obstacles on your way and how things are far from where you would like them to be. On these mornings, it’s so tempting to dwell on your circumstance, to feel sorry for yourself and to want to curl up into a ball in bed and just stay there.
That’s what it felt like this morning, so I gave myself 20 minutes of dwelling. It’s important that you acknowledge the pain when it comes for you, whether it be in the form of dissatisfaction, demotivation, disappointment or whatever else. Feel it for a moment, but then always remind yourself that every choice you make will either take you closer to your desired life or the one that you are already mourning.
So, get out of bed and put a song on that will remind you of the life you have in you. Find a way to put your perspective back into check and find the fight in you to keep on going. When everything feels heavy and hard, all you have to do is take it day by day. So, each day do what brings you the most amount of joy whilst also nourishes your soul, body and mind.
For me, I love coffee but I also get anxiety when I have any, so I’ve found a delicious decaf alternative that I make for myself so I can still take pleasure in the flavour of the coffee and also take care of my body and mind in the process. This morning, that decaf cup of coffee, my nice work dress and some upbeat music was what I needed to get myself out of the doom and gloom mentality and into the ‘what can I do and what is there to enjoy’ mentality.
It’s going to be hard, because now I’m aware that today my mind does not want to play. It wants to chuck a hissy fit because it’s tired, overworked and overstressed. But with one breath at a time I can help it rest, calm down and retrain its focus onto the things that are beautiful and that are going right.
All of this has stem from comparing my life to where I thought it would be right now and where it is compared to others. What a horrible way to disregard everything you’ve achieved and to put yourself down. Comparing ourselves is a natural tendency that can occur, if done in balance it can help you figure out what you would like to achieve, that you don’t already have and work towards achieving it. But when the goals are out of your control due to visa limitations, a worldwide pandemic and a mother who is fighting the fight of her life with cancer, it can all seem a little bit too much. So, you look at everyone else around and falsely believe that somehow their lives are easier. Even though that is not the case, everything is relative.
So, I need to sit with this discomfort of comparison and pay attention to all the things that are bubbling up. Regarding my career, my financial stability, my clarity in life, my sense of self-worth that I attach to external validation and markers etc. All these thoughts are valid because they are thoughts that have been shaped by old and defeating beliefs. They need compassion, love and care from myself more than anyone else.
People keep asking me what the plan is and all I can say is who knows, there are too many changing variables at the moment to even bother making a plan. I guess the plan is to live every day as best as I can with the ambiguity and to gather as much information as I possibly can to make a skeleton plan and then go from there. Who knows! The point being is, on days like this when it feels a little bit too much and a little bit too hard, I just need to find ways to keep my perspective optimistic, to practice my gratitude and to remember that what is meant for me will not pass me by.
Practicing faith and trust is hard, but the alternative is not beautiful. So here goes.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 