I was doing the value inventory exercise again this morning and paying attention to how I was thinking about each value. Most of the values are part of my make up in some shape or form, but where it gets difficult is being really honest with yourself about which values show up more in your behaviours and decision making.
This is where the discomfort sets in for me, because there are certain values that I would like to live by and yet I know that I’ve not really cultivated. These are values such as humour, fun, pleasure, sexuality, gratitude, love, mindfulness, skilfulness, beauty, adventure and creativity. My top 6 values are honesty, justice, spirituality, independence, compassion and self-care; there are a handful of others that are really important to me too, but these were the 6 that I’ve been demonstrating the most over the past few years. I want to call out that the top 2 values for me has always been honesty and justice, so that is the core of my being. But the remainder are values that have evolved and or which I have arrived at as a result of the choices I’ve made. When making these decisions I wasn’t actively choosing these values over others, rather, subconsciously I’ve made choices and manifested a life that cultivates behaviours that are driven by self-care, independence, compassion and spirituality. This makes perfect sense when I reflect back on the past 12 years as an adult and the circumstance that I’ve been through. These have been my survival values, so that I can get through the trauma and the pain.
But now that I am older, wiser and more experienced, it’s time to make more deliberate decisions about the values that I want to cultivate so that I can pull myself out of survival and learn how to thrive. I think this is a natural transition, because when you’re in your 20’s you’re still learning so much that regardless of how much adversity you face, you are learning how to survive in the world on your own. But I feel for me it’s now time to get myself out of the reactive state and more into the proactive stage of life and that for me is part of my soul journey and evolution.
I recognise there is a gap between where I am and the values I cultivate more of, this doesn’t mean they’re completely absent in my life, just that the focus hasn’t been on them. I get overwhelmed thinking about how much effort will be required to make shifts like this. Because even though I am going to make more deliberate decisions, there is no hiding the fact that my human brain is made up of a subconscious and unconscious brain that has it’s own patterns and coding wired into it! Making the shift consciously can be hard to do when you have formed certain habits, patterns of thinking and most importantly narratives that create obstacles for you to make the necessary changes. But if there is one thing that this year has taught me, is that you only need to take one step at a time towards the change in order to make progress.
So, the first step is to start reflecting on how and where I can cultivate these values further in my life. To be fair to myself I need to be selective, because I can’t focus on all of them all at once! Being realistic with your expectations and applying patience is so crucial to this journey. Not to mention, being compassionate and forgiving towards yourself because this will not be an overnight turn around for me. I haven’t fully decided which of these values I’m going to focus on, but I’m going to reflect and meditate on them a little bit more so that I can understand which one is more urgent for my growth.
Have you thought about the values that drive your behaviours and thoughts? Have you considered whether or not they’re the right values for where you are in your life at the moment? Remember that whilst there are certain values that will be constants, there are others that can be re-prioritised so that you can have different types of experiences throughout your life, each relevant to your personal evolution.
I highly recommend the value inventory exercise to anyone, you can look up the various lists that are online and or just make your own list if you want. Remember there is no right or wrong here, there is no need to judge yourself or others for how they select their values. It’s all about getting insight into your thoughts and behaviours so that you can start taking the steps you need towards choices and changes that will cultivate more joy and bliss into your life.
Don’t be afraid of changing. Don’t be afraid of your own evolution and growth.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 