I caught up with a beautiful dear friend recently after 3 years of being apart, 2 of which I was in the UK for. Though it had been awhile since we had seen each other, we picked up exactly where we left off. She’s one of the most intelligent, kindest and genuine people I’ve known and she always gives me insights into myself that help me discover different aspects of me that need more light casted on them. She made a comment that although it hurts my pride to admit, I know it’s true. She mentioned that I’m still growing up and that I’m still a child in many ways. What she is referring to is the emotional sensitivities I still have, that I am still learning to soothe on my own. It’s not a criticism of how I am, it’s just a reflection of realising that I need to morph from the caterpillar into the butterfly. It’s not about not being sensitive, it’s about owning it and knowing how to manage it with ease so that I don’t have to go through emotional dissonance between my heart and my mind.
The intent behind all this is owning my emotions, beliefs and way of being in the world so that it doesn’t become about pleasing others, feeling guilty and or falling into the narratives that are self-critical. It’s knowing that I can be sensitive and also accepting of what comes with that. That I can be the way that I am without being apologetic about it. That I don’t have to let my emotions create narratives that don’t serve me, instead I can lean on my experience and wisdom to design narratives that are more balanced. Now this is much easier said than done, because certain thinking habits need to change in order to accommodate this realisation. But I am determined to work on this because I want to improve the daily experiences I have within my body and my mind.
It’s time to grow up, to not have to justify myself to anyone, to not have to come up with reasoning and excuses for being the way that I am or the way that I feel. For not having to defend my feelings, beliefs and comforts because they are not understood. To let go of the need to be validated, acknowledged and soothed by others. Again, easier said than done and no doubt this will take time and a lot of practice. But I’m ready to be the adult that the child within me requires. To let her know that it’s ok, we’ve got this and that she is safe and sound. She can trust me because I won’t hurt her. But also equally, I won’t be guided by her as she’s not able to lead us into the future that we are aspiring towards.
We all have that inner child waiting for us to see her / him, so that they can feel heard and seen, then loved and held. I’m going to try and be more patient with my inner child, to be more compassionate and forgiving. I will hold her and guide her and teach her how to let go of her fears, worries and defensive reactions. I will show her that we’ve turned out pretty good and it will all be ok.
My friend is due to have her first child and all I can say is that bub is one lucky baby and I’m one lucky friend.
Be gentle with yourselves and those you love.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 