This morning as I was having my morning coffee and journalling I started noticing a shift in my attention. I can see the worries coming in but I also sensed a gap between those thoughts and no thoughts. In that moment I stopped to take a breath and had my hand on the marble table top. Suddenly, I noticed that the marble is cold and that my hand is getting cold. It was that shift in attention that took me out of my mind, into my body and into the present moment. Something as simple as feeling the temperature of an object that was against my hand allowed me to come back to the here and now.
Then I started looking outside and I noticed that the sun is trying to shine its way through some clouds and that gave me a sense of warmth and hope. Little moments like this, that are around us all the time can help us come out of the narratives, stories and thoughts we play on repeat in our heads to the present moment where we are free and at peace. So the key lies in our attention and where we choose to spend it.
I don’t know where and when or even how I stopped paying attention to the world around me, to the little moments throughout the day, somewhere along the way my mind fell into a headspace of worry and rumination. I’ve formed a bad habit over the past decade of living in fear, of worrying, being jaded, not trusting myself or others and worse of all, self-sabotaging. I know many people around me who are also the same. I wish that letting go of these habits would be easier. But, these habits don’t just go away through casting the light on them. They need to be replaced and reshaped through daily practice, never-ending courage and grit.
Growing up, no one gives you a manual to let you know how hard it all can be or that you get a say in how you respond to the world and your experiences. One of the recent lessons I’ve learned is that you can’t control your reactions, they’re shaped by nurture and nature and often they’re not predictable. But, you can learn how to manage your responses after the fact. For example, the other day I reacted in a defensive manner towards my manager as my ego had been triggered, as I felt like I was not being valued or respected by the business. The reaction came out of no where and it was reflective of the pain that my ego had attached to itself from past experiences where I’ve not felt worthy. But after the call I took a pause to reflect on my behaviour to see if it is aligned to who I am today and who I want to be. I realised that it was an egotistical reaction and so I called him back and apologised and explained what part of my ego had been hurt. This act of calling him back, is how I chose to respond to the situation post reflection. This is the part that we can learn to manage better and therefore, heal our egotistical pain bodies through.
In order to become better at learning that practice, you need to first find your way back to the present moment as often as you can throughout your day. Use your senses to help guide you out of your mind and into the present. Once you are there you will find the peace and clarity you need to let go of the ego and align with your true self.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 