This week will be a big week, with the coaching program due to start and work getting somewhat more critical. I also recognise that it is the part of my monthly cycle where my hormones can cause me the most grief. Acknowledging this truth doesn’t make it any easier, but I will practice my best to observe and not be pulled into the rip of hormonal reactions. I know that there is still a lot of work I need to do to find the equilibrium of my body so that it could be calm and settled throughout the month.
With everything that is ahead, I would really like to practice my learnings and insights from the past couple of weeks. Sometimes there is so much growth that it feels inevitable that I won’t be able to retain all the realisations. I suppose that’s why life keeps repeating certain lessons, so that you can truly give it the attention it deserves and therefore transform as part of the learning.
One of the biggest things I recognised about myself this weekend, was how I tend to perceive so much of my emotional responses to people and situations as an outcome of their behaviours. I noticed this with my partner who this weekend was going through a challenging time and a difficult dilemma. I could see that he was distressed but as an outsider looking in, the solution seemed obvious to me. I started to grow frustrated at how he was unable to make a decision. But then it dawned on me that he couldn’t make a decision because he wasn’t just involved in the situation rationally, rather, there were a whole pool of emotions that he was experiencing that I as an observer couldn’t fully appreciate because I wasn’t emotionally impacted by the situation. All of a sudden I recognised that my frustrations with him were not related to him being frustrating, instead, they were because I wasn’t able to apply compassion to the situation and honour his pain and challenges as part of his journey.
It’s sometimes easy to forget that as an observer one can only see what is reflected on the outside and or what is articulated as part of a conversation. But there is a big piece of information that will be missing, that is the firsthand experience of the situation that the other person is in. When this happens, we all tend to look at the world from our own perspective. This then results in missing the obvious reality that we don’t have all the data points to possibly know what the full experience of the other is. Even empathy can take you so far, in terms of understanding someone else’s experiences.
Once I recognised this, I started to wash away the judgements I had formed about him and recognised that he will need to make the decision when he is ready and in his own way. He will need to arrive at that destination on his own and it’s not my job to fast track it and or make it any easier. It’s my job as his partner, to let him know that he’s not alone and even if he doesn’t take the perceived right step, that I will be there to have his back as he learns.
Next time you are feeling triggered by someone else’s behaviours, take a pause and examine whether or not the feeling is anchored in something within you that requires your attention and healing. When we can let go of our judgements about others, we can open our hearts to giving them more love.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 