We go through so much change in our lives, most of which is undesired and or unexpected, but necessary as it’s part of our journey and it gives us the opportunity to go deeper into our being. All this change can bring with it a sense of loss and grief as well. Reflecting back on my life, I don’t think I’ve ever really grieved changes and or losses in a way that would honour them for what they were. I’ve not really known how to do this because I’ve not really seen it role modelled anywhere. Generally speaking, we all associate grief to major life crises like the loss of a loved one, but grief can take many shapes and forms and it’s important to recognise that it’s ok to require the need to process the loss that we feel as a result of the changes that come into our lives.
Often times we spend so much energy on resisting changes, because we can be fearful of saying goodbye to the familiar and stepping into an uncertain new chapter that appears unknown and or unwelcoming. In my own experience, the changes that I’ve resisted the most are the ones that have been the best for me in the long-run. When I look back on them now, I recognise they’ve changed the trajectory of my life for the better. But at the time I lacked trust, faith and optimism because I was still rather young and fearful. Though I’m still fearful and though I’m still learning about how I can reshape my inner core beliefs that paint the experiences of my life, I’ve come to recognise that resisting change doesn’t stop it, it just makes it harder to experience.
One of the most difficult changes that I’ve worked so hard to embrace is my sudden return to Australia as a result of my visa ending in the UK. This happened to coincide with the pandemic, but for me it was a change that I knew was coming way before the pandemic was even a concern. I knew that if I was resistant to this reality, everything would feel a million times worse. My prior experiences had afforded me the wisdom to recognise that though this was not my decision, if I didn’t make the most of it, it would for sure destroy me.
So I started taking very small steps towards accepting this change, I paid attention to the positives that would come out of it, so that I could see the glass as half full instead of half empty. A year on after being back in Australia, I feel so grateful that things have turned out the way that they have, not just because of the impact of the pandemic but because things needed to pan out exactly this way so that I can heal through the past pains and transform as part of my own evolution.
Even though I’ve worked hard at accepting this reality, it doesn’t take away from how hard it has been because it still brings with it a sense of loss as well as challenges for my partner and I as we have been separated for over 12 months. But, because I haven’t resisted this change, I’ve come to appreciate the good that has come from it and therefore, enjoy the change more than I could have anticipated.
There is a lot that I miss about my life pre-Covid and I’m sure that this feeling is shared by many people around the world. But there are also things that I miss which I’m ok to let go of, because I now want to create space for new things in my life. That’s why this quote, really touched me:
I think it’s important to realise you can miss something, but not want it back.
Paulo Coelho
There is no point resisting what is meant to be, the more you try the less you can enjoy your life. Whilst embracing the unknown and the unwanted is also difficult, it’s also the most liberating way of enabling your own joy and serenity.
By embracing the change, you’re removing the suffering and instead travelling through the pain and recognising that grieving the loss will help you tap into your joy again.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 