I’ve become so accustomed to living in the anxious and depressed state, that I have come to associate those states with who I am. But the reality is that I am not an anxious or depressed person, they don’t define me and my way of being in the world. I am just a person who is healing through anxiety and depression, some days are great, some days are good and some days are a challenge.
Over the past 12 months I’ve taken my anxiety and depression most seriously, trying to adopt changes and habits that would enable me to make progress in my healing and managing my mental hygiene. Most importantly, I’ve sought help through therapy and also speak more openly about what I am experiencing so that I don’t carry the guilt, shame and weight of these states with me. I am still a bit guarded with how open I am about it to those around me, particularly in a work setting, but, step by step progress is being made based on what feels right to me at each point.
Rationally I know that there is no shame around experiencing anxiety or being depressed. But it’s hard to own these challenges when they’re not discussed openly and so many still don’t understand it. For so long I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was somehow weak and or I ‘should’ be feeling better, feeling happy and not going through these states. But when I objectively look at all the trauma I’ve been through since childhood, the pain that I’ve not known how to manage, the changes, the rejection, the loneliness, the bullying, the abusive relationships etc. I feel nothing but compassion to myself and completely understand why I am experiencing anxiety and depression. When you go through so many experiences that have heavy emotions that you don’t identify and or know how to manage, they build up and turn into anxieties and depressive states that become increasingly hard to avoid.
After making changes over the past year, I can say that I have made progress in my healing but there is still a long journey ahead and I am optimistic that it will continue to get better, little by little. One of the things I’ve learned is that progress is not linear, sometimes you have to take a couple of steps back so that you can take 5 steps forward and that is ok. There is no right or wrong way of healing through your anxiety and depression. We’re all so different and we each have our own unique way of coping and growing through what we go through, so it’s important to be kind to ourselves and not judge or punish ourselves. There will be many around us that may not understand why it’s so hard for us, but our healing is a sacred journey that we need to be happy with. Just focus on yourself, what feels right for you and what you need to get through whatever it is you’re going through.
Ask for help from those who know how to help, from professionals, community members and or those who have been through similar experiences. Don’t try to lift the pain on your own, it’s not necessary when there are so many out there that are willing to help you out.
So, as you go through your own journey don’t be ashamed of the mental health states that you experience, don’t forget that there is so many parts to you and that you are not defined by what you are healing through. This is just another part of the Soul Journey that needs support, compassion, patience and non-judgement.
For those that are in Australia, you can access the following support lines for help.
For anyone elsewhere in the world, have a search to see what is locally available to you. You’re not alone.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 