Reflecting on the past week I can see that there were a few circumstances where I allowed the external situations over stress me. Work has been busy and therefore there is this constant state of falling behind and not being able to control things. It’s not so much the nature of the work that causes the stress, after all in corporate we’re not saving lives. But for someone who is high control and who also puts a lot of weight on being accepted and respected, it’s hard to not let losing control of my work get to me and cause me stress.
Stepping back from it I look at the workload and I feel like there is so many variables that are out of my control and therefore, I can only do what I can so why do I choose to sacrifice my wellbeing and physical health? It’s because there is an underlying fear of being rejected, not feeling adequate and ultimately trying so hard to not feel ashamed or embarrassed amongst my peers. This feeling that I have to constantly prove myself in order to show that I am worthy of my position and of my seat at the table. So, underlying the behaviours there is this survival drive to belong.
These patterns of thinking are not serving me, they are not aligned to my values and how I want to operate in the world and so I end up being more frustrated, worried, resentful and stressed than I really need to be. I’m not trying to completely avoid those feelings because that in itself is not realistic, we’re human and there is a variety of emotions we will experience and as long as they’re in balance then it’s ok. We can get through the hard feelings and experiences just as well as we can learn to enjoy the easy and pleasant emotions.
But it’s a conscious practice and it’s bloody hard to achieve when you’re in a loop that you want to break out of but can’t seem to find the right circuit breaker to do so. I’m determined to break the loop though, I don’t want to live a life that is draining and unhappy. I can’t control the external, but I can choose how I see the world and the experiences that are presented to me. I am also fortunate enough to have some level of control over the environment that I put myself in.
Taking deep breaths in between each moment is the only anchor back into the present moment where I can refocus my energy on trying to improve the experiences that I create for myself. I additionally acknowledge and recognise that when I’m stressed, I tend to regulate and sooth my feelings through interaction with others. It’s interesting because I seem to call upon someone else to help me regulate my stress levels. This is something that I’ve been aware of for a couple of years and have been trying to establish habits that would enable me to manage the feelings on my own. Although I’ve tried to address this in my personal life, I recognise that I don’t have any measure in place at work that can enable me to be self-reliant.
So, when I feel threatened and or worried about something that could make me feel unsafe in a work setting, I tend to fall on my friends and manager at work. There is no shame in seeking support from people and or getting others to help you through a tough challenge, but also equally it’s important to know how to handle your own big emotions and to know how to self-sooth so that you can show up with your strengths.
The reality is that no matter how small I feel in the peak emotional moments, I have so many strengths working for me. So, it’s important that I don’t forget my rich tool box of skills, wisdom, learnings, insights and knowledge that will enable me to navigate any situation. The main tool that I need to develop, is the ability to self-sooth. Self-sooting is different to calming myself down, because I have been able to improve my ability to calm my body and mind down.
What I need to explore further is practicing the ability to be kinder to myself, through being objective and pulling myself out of the narratives that are putting me down without me even realising. I would like to be self-reliant with providing myself with the reassurance that I require to tap into my confidence instead of the narratives that make me feel inadequate and incapable.
These insights are stepping stones on my Soul Journey and evolution. No one ever said it was easy, but it is well worth it each time you make progress. Even if the progress is slow, it’s enough to keep you going.
One breath at a time.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 