It’s hard to consistently show up from a place of love, consciousness and awareness. Our human desires, narratives and claims will constantly distract us from the path in which we can find peace and joy. Resisting these distractions can at times make them more intense and severe. So, there is no point in punishing yourself if you’re steering off your Soul Journey and finding yourself in the space of ego.
When that happens the most important thing is to observe and let go; it’s important to do this as much as possible even if it’s only a for one second. That’s the practice, that’s enough to keep you progressing on the path of your Soul evolution. Expecting yourself to be god like and to be conscious when everything in the external world around you is disrupting your focus and drawing you in is an unrealistic expectation, a false hope.
Attempting to be kind to yourself by recognising that you can simply observe and let go little by little, that is the path in which you need to constantly come back to. Little by little, however and whenever you can. Without judgement, without criticism, without expectation.
I found myself drawn into the various events that took place last week, on the relationship front with my partner, on the work front and on the family front with my mothers news for surgery. All whilst being in lockdown, alone and not seeing anyone for approximately 10 weeks. To expect myself to handle all these events with awareness and absolute grace is something that I’m just simply not able to do at this point in my life. To then punish myself for feeling certain ways such as anger, rage and disappointment is also unfair and unkind. So what can I do? I can acknowledge that last week I reacted from a place of a distracted mind that was fuelled by exhaustion, fear and uncertainty. That in the midst of all of that I was still able to manage a level of awareness but not enough to get through everything with patience, faith, trust and grace.
I recognise now, that I would like to be more loving towards myself in the future when I find myself in adversity. I would like to explore the internal thoughts, feelings and unmet needs instead of responding externally from a place of anger and hurt. I can only recognise this learning as a result of operating in the ego space last week.
I can also appreciate that my ego is not ready to let go of a lot of unresolved feelings and thoughts, so I will have to unpack them the best that I can and try to fill my cup up with things that bring me back to my breath, to my core and to my centre. I need to invest the time in exercises that serve me and not experiences that fuel my ruminating thoughts.
I know for me, it’s instilling the habits that I had worked so hard to setup and maintain last year. Due to various events I’ve been unable to consistently maintain those habits. So, instead of being angry about that and disappointed in myself, I’m going to accept it and just take one step at a time. I’m going to focus on my sleep, on my morning routine, on my writing, my walking, learning and growing. I’m going to focus on all the things that fill my cup and help me come back to the Soul Journey that I like to embrace and not one that I try to hide from.
There will always be hiccups on the way, there will always be heartbreak, disappointment and frustrations. There will always be reasons to stop and give into the forces that distract and disrupt you. The choice is yours, what you decide to do with your attention and your moments, so choose what brings you the most peace and joy consistently and not just in the moment of relief.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 