It hurts when you are disappointed, when things don’t go your way and you feel like you’re not being seen, heard or loved. But the reality is that not all of our wants and desires will be fulfilled. There are certain hardships in life that we have to endure in order to break free and evolve into the next phase of our Soul Journey. I don’t know if this process ever gets easier, but I know it’s always worth it once you get through it.
This week has been a hard week, with a few hard pills to swallow. One of which was my partner going back to the UK without us getting the chance to reunite after 20 months of separation due to Covid. The other, was learning about the opportunity that I was looking forward to gaining and shifting careers has been delayed and removed from the table until maybe beginning of next year. What makes all this harder is that the work environment I am in at the moment is dimming my sparkle, predominantly because my manager and I don’t get along.
So, here I am. I am feeling the disappointment, the fear, the loss, the self-punishment, but I don’t want to fall into the self written and formed narratives that all of this has something to do with my worth, my opportunity for happiness and my chance at good things happening to me. There has been a long lasting narrative that somehow good things don’t happen to me and or if they do they’re short lived because they’re often followed by tremendous trauma and pain.
I don’t want this to be one of those moments in my life where I believe that this is as good as it will get. At the age of 31 I have to choose differently than what I would have at 21. I have to allow my wisdom to wash over me and love the younger versions of me that are still grappling with a lot of pain, I need to help them feel comforted and inform them that they doesn’t have to be scared, worried and or self-critical. I have to allow myself to choose hope, optimism, gratitude and high vibrations.
These are all choices and habits that are formed from a way of living. Processing all your emotions no matter what shade they are is so important. But it’s so important that you don’t self-identify with them. It’s so important that you don’t let the emotions and low vibrations become you. They’re just experiences, valid and fair, but merely experiences. They’re there to remind you of what matters to you. To remind you to stay true to yourself and love yourself no matter what.
They’re painful as f**k, but they’re honourable and worthy. When you accept that they will never go away and that they’re a part of life, you can learn to navigate them with less control and worry. You can be curious and open to them passing through. Opening up your heart space to high vibrations requires you to get rid of the backlog that is the low vibrations you’ve stored as a badge of honour to prove you’ve been through hardship. That is unnecessary and unhelpful, we don’t need to prove to anyone that we’ve been through shit. We don’t have to even prove that we’re happy and in joy. We don’t have to prove anything full stop.
So, this week has been hard and thus far not great, but I also have the option of looking at the blessings. At least I have a partner whom I love, at least I’m employed and have the privilege of earning a livelihood, at least I am surrounded by people I love at work even though my manager is not the best. I am alive and breathing and I have to believe that there are so many boundless opportunities that can come up my way. I need to believe that what is around the corner is beautiful.
You can have a brighter, happier, lighter and easier future ahead. You have to believe that.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 