In the unpredictable world that we live in only one thing is certain, our internal sense of being. It is waiting there to be discovered and until we create space and stillness we will be oblivious of the infinite being that is us. Describe it however you want but no words can capture who we really are. It’s not tangible and it’s not rational. It’s just truth. It’s something that we can only discover through experience and seeking. Once you discover it though, you will make all efforts to go in deeper and understand it more fully because there is peace there, there is bliss and there is love.
Do you really love yourself? Unconditionally and with no associations? Do you love yourself not because of what you do or how you do it but just because you are you? I don’t think many people would be able to say yes to that question. I’m talking about our ability to love ourselves once we’ve completely stripped down have nothing left but our essence. No name, no title, no wealth, no achievements, no impact, no purpose, no role, no history, nothing but our being. At that point, can you love yourself just because you are alive and there is nothing you need to do to claim that love? If so, keep that love because it’s precious and if not, search for it because it’s going to set you free. At least that’s what my gut tells me and hence why I’m searching for it within me. It’s not an easy journey and one that makes me face a lot of critical thoughts about myself. But behind all that noise lives an eternal being that is able to love all the parts of me just as they are and without reason. I must find that source and learn how to tap into it as part of my day to day.
I don’t want to be closed off to feeling love and I realised this week that I don’t receive love not because I’m not loved by others, but because I don’t believe that they really love me. I suspect there are conditions and or reasons for their love, because I rationalise it based on my relationships and the roles I play in different dynamics. When someone says they love me I hear the words but I don’t feel it and deep down I don’t know if I believe it either. It’s only a matter of time that they will change their mind and or stop loving me. That’s the programming that is in my head and I’m not sure where it’s come from but it’s the autopilot that is running my life at the moment and I don’t want to operate that way anymore. I want to feel the warmth, the value, the meaning and the trust when someone says they love me that they mean it and that it’s ever lasting. That it’s not based on conditions and or what I do for them, rather it’s because of me being me. I want to feel worthy again and for that I need to stop believing that I’m unworthy. Just like I’m going to re-learn and re-wire my brain, I’m going to prove to myself that I can move way from feeling un-worthy to re-worthy.
All of us are worthy, because we exist.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 