I got up last night and I noticed my thoughts were going wild. They were unkind and suspicious and rather unhelpful and negative. I suppose that’s normal for the middle of the night, but then again is it? It dawned on me that my negative self talk was in control again. It’s the result of the past few weeks and the level of stress and uncertainty I’ve been dealing with. It doesn’t help that I’ve let go of my self-care routine and so I’m not resourcing myself properly with the tools and energy I need to overcome these thoughts.
I can see myself sinking and yet I can’t find the motivation to try and swim out of this tide. I’m not really sure what caused it but I don’t know if it matters. Analysing things only causes complexity and at times obsession, which is where overthinking steps in. I’m currently stuck on self-pity and wondering how things went wrong, how did this become the me that I’m dealing with? That’s when all the critical thoughts creep in, questioning everything about the way I am. I’m enabling the limiting beliefs inside of me to grow and become the dominant noise in my head.
Experience has shown me that when I’m in a state of self-pity it’s because I’m not in a mentally positive head space. I don’t really know how to love myself when I’m in a dip and so I use self-pity as a mechanism to love and accept the victim mentality that is in the drivers seat. Whilst temporarily there is some relief and it feels like I’m being kind to myself, I’m actually hurting myself further because I’m reducing myself to a victim and I’m unable to recognise that I’m worth real love.
Recognising this is something that I need to be proud of and celebrate. I can hear my thoughts flooding in with criticism and pressure. That won’t serve me, feeling self-pity isn’t love but feeling compassion is. Knowing that right now I’m in a dip, I’m practicing self-awareness, I’m trying to be calm and find the motivation needed to get myself out, these are the things that I need to focus on. These are the things that I need to celebrate in order to get out of the loop that is currently putting me in the dip. These are the little circuit breakers that I need to reset everything and get back into a healthy rhythm.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 