Being a leader is hard work, it requires you to challenge so many of your learnt behaviours and thought processes; that is if you are intending on being a good leader. Stepping into a leadership role this year has exposed how critical and harsh I am to myself. The past couple of weeks a junior member of the team made a couple of serious mistakes, ones that I would never make. Noticing this narrative and how the I showed up in my thoughts alerted me to my inner judge. I knew I had a choice to either let my critical judge step in and blame her so that she would ‘learn her lesson’ or to pause and choose the type of leader I want to be, which is ultimately a kind one. One who sees the person behind the mistake and one who recognises that once a mistake is made, there is no need for blame or shame, there is only space for learning and enabling.
I’ve had first hand experience with bad leaders and great ones too, so I know what camp I want to sit in and who I want to be. I want to be a version of me that comes from the space of compassion and connection, not fear and punishment. I heard a leadership quote a few weeks that really stuck with me, which went something like this “there is nothing you can break that I can’t fix”; that there is a leader backing her team. That there is giving space for the individual to go about their work without the fear of punishment and with the confidence and trust that someone experienced is there to have their back. That there is the kind of leader I want to be.
For that, I know I have to fight my own demons and expose my own ego. I also know that the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to maintain a healthy mental state and habits that enable me to show up in the way that I would like. I’m over-exhausted and fallen into the trap of narratives that I’ve been trying to tackle for years. I can only fill other people’s cup if I ensure mine is full, that is where the work begins and ultimately ends.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 