We are all unconditionally loveable, even if we are not loved by all.
Let that sink in.
Just because we are not loved unconditionally by everyone we form bonds with, it doesn’t mean that we are not unconditionally loveable. It just means that there are egos at play and consciousness is blocked, therefore, we can’t come to the table from a place of purity and freedom rather we are coming to the table from a place of judgement and fear.
The human mind is fascinating. Like a magician it can trick us into seeing, perceiving and therefore believing whatever it is programmed to display. But the more you practice mindfulness and go in deep to uncover the Self, the more you realise there were so many illusions along the way that you never noticed. You start to appreciate the complexity of the mind and how it has been formed based on what it has been exposed to. You start to realise that you are not the accumulation of all the things that have happened to you, or how you’ve come to interpret them, rather you’re a much more conscious being than what you play out each day.
A lot of effort is required to realise this, letting go of the things that we identify with is excruciatingly painful. But the more you work on finding the balance between holding on and letting go, the more you start to recognise how ‘asleep’ we all really are. The layers and complexity of our unconscious minds and also the way we operate in the world is so deep and unknown that it just blows my mind every time I gain the slightest bit more Self-awareness. In a world that is so vast, our body selves are all so very small.
As I was meditating today I started to realise that when it comes to relationships (in any format), I’ve been telling myself narratives that are one sided. I’ve lost a few friends a long the way and it’s always been without explanation. No fights, no conflict or disagreement, just friends ‘abandoning’ me, or at least that is the story I’ve been telling myself all these years. With that narrative, comes the belief that if they’re leaving me then there is fundamentally something wrong with me; that I’m not enough, or that I’m not loveable. But these interpretations were formed by a child who didn’t understand the world around her. These were formulated by a brain that wasn’t yet developed and didn’t understand how to manage the loss and pain that came with such circumstances.
Of course this is not one sided, in my formative adult years I too have given up on friendships and have done this in the most subtle way by removing myself slowly from others lives. At the time I did this out of pain and hurt because certain friends were not supportive, or were growing into versions that I no longer related with etc. I recognise now that this was predominantly because my needs weren’t being met in the relationships in particular the need for being safe and loved unconditionally. I realise now that the judgement that I felt from certain friends and the fact that we were all still learning to become adults, resulted in insecurities and fears that led to me needing to create space and move away from certain people. Despite this being my decision it still hurt because I didn’t want to lose those friends, I just didn’t want to be hurt by them anymore.
Whether I’ve ended relationships or whether I’ve been left hanging by others, I’ve always looked at myself as a victim. I’ve looked at myself as the flawed person and or the one that is going through something difficult. It wasn’t until meditation today that I regained a different perspective of trusting that when relationships end it’s in the interest of both parties. I realised that both parties in every scenario have their own path to follow and neither one is flawed or unworthy. These fullstops don’t have to followed by blame, judgement or suffering rather they can be loved and healed through forgiveness, well-wishes and letting go.
When things end naturally, it’s important to let them do just that. Not everyone is meant to be on our Soul Journey forever. The truth is most people will come and go throughout that journey and that is why it is so important to know who you are and to have a connection with God / universe or whatever you want to call it. If you connect with yourself and the higher consciousness and truth, you will never suffer when relationships end. Of course there will be grief, loss and pain but there will also be the strength and courage to be able to navigate those feelings with as much grace and love as possible.
I am noticing that even as I am writing this blog there is still so much self-hatred, blame and disgust towards myself that I need to heal in order to fully accept and trust that I am worthy, I am loveable and that I am enough. Remembering that you are unconditionally loveable and enough, even when it doesn’t feel that way, is so critical for our individual and collective healing.
Cleanse yourself from feelings of judgement and blame towards both yourself and others. Sometimes somethings in life must take their natural course in order for us to gain wisdom and space for the things that are to follow.
Be kind to yourself.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 