I have been so busy being self-critical that I’ve not paused to acknowledge the weight of the things that I’ve been carrying and how much I’ve managed to achieve. I have become a master of looking at the cup half empty focusing my attention on all the difficult parts, the losses, the failures and the struggles instead of the wins, the achievements, the happy moments and the little things that deserve my acknowledgement.
In service of challenging my thinking, I am going to look back on the past few years and acknowledge the wins! To do this I have to go past the physical cringe that I feel and the internal dialogue that is trying to criticise me so that I can practice self-love. The best tactic for me is to recognise the things that I would celebrate in someone else, this enables me to challenge my critical mind because I do enjoy recognising other people’s wins and achievements. Creating this separation in my head allows me to extend the same recognition to myself.
Here goes, reflecting over the past few years the cup has been half full because:
- I’ve learned so much about myself and I’ve matured in many ways that was necessary.
- I’ve healed so many suppressed trauma and pain and I’ve gained wisdom that will enable me to go through life with more resilience, faith and courage.
- I’ve managed to make progress with some of my goals and maintained a commitment towards self-growth and healing.
- I’ve redefined what matters to me and what doesn’t and have given myself the space and time to rest and recover.
- I’ve gone inwards and faced the things that I was trying to avoid and hide.
- I have been grieving but also breathing through it, I have understood what works and what doesn’t.
- I’ve allowed different parts of me to flourish and express themselves.
- I’ve invested in my own needs, wants and goals, recognising that as an adult I can take care of myself and have a responsibility to do so.
- I’ve started inner child work and have healed the versions of me that never got their needs met.
- I’ve been in therapy for over 2 years and have learned tools and taken away insights that will help me grow into the next version of me.
- I’ve forgiven myself and others.
- I finally pulled the plug and started taking steps towards my passion of coaching and furthering my capabilities and skills.
- I’ve made progress in my career, despite struggling with so much self-doubt and imposter syndrome throughout it.
- I’ve been scared the whole 3 years, but I’ve tried to find my courage.
- I’ve hit rock bottom, but I’ve recognised that the only place to go from there is up.
- I’ve identified limiting beliefs that constrain me and I’ve started raising the volume on empowering beliefs that serve me and my joy.
- I’ve started to reconnect with nature, with beauty and with presence.
- I’ve taken steps to develop self-assurance and have made progress with this, giving me liberation and a sense of freedom.
- I’ve understood my values and have made more values aligned decisions.
These are all things that I have achieved over the past 3 years. Yet, the overwhelming feeling that I notice on a daily basis is that of loss, grief, depression, anxiety and self-criticism. As humans we have a tendency to focus on the negative, sprinkle in trauma and mental illness and your brain can go into overdrive, trying to protect you from threats that aren’t there. But writing these things down I can feel the physical difference it makes to my mood.
The anxiety and depression that I’m experiencing is not for nothing, it’s been the response that any normal person would show to the challenges that have been thrown at me. But I want to come out of this with more self-love and compassion. You can’t undo a critical mind overnight, you have to retrain yourself to look at the beauty of your life and that will take practice.
Life is full of ups and downs, sometimes the downs are going to last a while and when you’re in the depths you need to remember that even the smallest step counts. You don’t have to be invincible, you don’t have to be strong, you don’t have to be anything. You just have to do the best that you can do at any given point and the standard of what defines ‘the best’ will vary considerably depending on where you are in your Soul Journey.
I hope you can find the wins in your life and give yourself credit for everything you’re doing and will continue to do.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 