I know that there is a lot of change ahead of me. There are parts of me that are excited but other parts that are nervous and worried. So I am trying to remind myself that I need to practice acceptance as best I can. That being said, I have to continuously remind myself that accepting things is not the same thing as not going through the emotions that are associated with the events. One of the things that I’ve tried to accept is that it’s ok to have sadness, disappointment, regret, guilt and even shame pass through. The most important thing is that you don’t identify with them and that you don’t give them the space to linger on once they’ve given you the gift they have to offer.
I am still trying to realise what these emotions are trying to give me and so I’m not entirely capable of separating myself from them. But on good days this is what I try to remind myself of:
- Sadness is showing me the beautiful things that I appreciate and love deeply.
- Disappointment is reminding me that I will only ever be as disappointed as I allow my mind to expect and judge. Every time I feel disappointment it’s important to pause and ask myself, is this my ego?
- Regret is a sign that I didn’t know any better but I do now.
- Guilt is the litmus test that helps me determine if I have done something that is not aligned to my values.
- Shame is the reminder that I have more work to do in loving myself deeply, fully and unconditionally.
When I’m able to recognise the above gifts that these emotions give me, I can simply feel them, acknowledge them and let them go. But more often than not I am still holding onto them and identifying with them. Which means they result in the following experiences:
- Sadness dims the light on everything else in my life that is still a blessing; stealing presence away from me and keeping me stuck in the past
- Disappointment turns into a critical voice that I then use to punish myself and others with; constantly looking for reasons to be angry and let down.
- Regret becomes the heavy sense of loss and helplessness that I can’t seem to shake.
- Guilt becomes a tool that I slowly self-destruct with, thinking that I deserve nothing but punishment
- Shame becomes the cruel and unwarranted voice that steals my worth and pushes me down to my knees
You can’t control the fact that these emotions (or others) will arise when you are faced with adversity. But what is important to remind yourself of is that you get to choose (at some point) in your journey how much you identify with them. So as I develop my ability to accept all the things that are ahead of me, I need to remind myself that I am not immune to the moments that will hurt and I am not immune to the emotions that will come through me and set off an alarm. But I am in control of choosing to focus on what they’re trying to show me vs drowning in them because they’re heavy and dark.
It’s all a work in progress and it fluctuates on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Life is not linear and it sure isn’t clean cut. If that’s all we can accept then we’ve done well.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 