As the year draws to an end I’m reflecting on what 2022 has both brought with it and is taking away! It feels like it has been a big year, it’s been hard but upon reflection it’s also been good. It’s funny how perspective can help you feel differently about things. During the year everything felt so heavy, but now that I have had the chance to reflect I can see that it was only because I was growing and learning how to manage all of it.
At the beginning of this year I set myself an intent word of developing Self-assurance. This is wasn’t about feeding my ego, it was about letting go of the claims that my ego was clinging onto! I wanted to develop the foundations needed to let go of the beliefs that made me belittle myself and undermine my worth and value for most of my adult life. I wanted to free myself from the chains that I had wrapped around me as ‘truths’. I wanted to recognise who I was without the external noise and from a place of inner wisdom.
When you want to belong and be loved, you subconsciously go through any means of making yourself small just so that you don’t have to feel the pain of rejection and neglect. But the truth is that no one can love you as well as you can love yourself, the sad part is most of us don’t know how to do that and or what it even means! I’ve known for a few years now that I have no idea who I am, because I’ve become who I have felt everyone else needed or wanted me to be; in all facets of my life! This is why Self-assurance was so important to me because I couldn’t go any longer without knowing what I want, need and who I am authentically.
I recognise that there is still so much to unpack and learn but when I look back at the start of the year and compare it to where I am today I can see that I’ve managed to establish some foundation in this space. Which is a relief because throughout it all it was not easy and I had some incredibly hard moments and many confronting realisations.
It’s important to me to pause and reflect on the lessons so that I can honour what has been and celebrate where I have arrived. Here are some of the key insights from this year:
- Through coaching I gained the vocabulary and understanding needed around my strengths and how I am in the world. I now realise how these strengths can both enable and disable me, the key is balance and awareness.
- I’ve identified the beliefs that have made me doubt intellect, worth, value add and purpose in life. I was able to put the magnifying glass on limiting beliefs that frankly made me feel like shit and actively decide that I will no longer entertain them. Whilst this is a huge win, it’s also an ongoing journey
- I’ve continued to pursue and explore my passion for coaching, this has both energised me and healed me. It’s amazing how much you can learn through observing others on their journey!
- I’ve uncovered a part of me that I didn’t even know existed! An artist who was dying to come out and paint! The goal is now to continue to explore with an open heart and to not let my mind take control of it.
- I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and explored new ways of spreading the message from Souloom.
- I’ve made it through a year of doing an incredibly taxing and hard leadership role and gained resilience and strength. Being a leader is a privilege that I need to remind myself of daily.
- I’ve put myself out there with expressing my thoughts and sharing my coaching journey on LinkedIn.
- On a personal note I’ve gotten engaged which has created a lot of clarity but also highlighted so many new beliefs and areas of myself that I wasn’t aware of!
- I’ve continued on with therapy and have been working hard to manage my trauma symptoms as well as working towards developing better tools and regulation with my depression and anxiety.
- I’ve continued to enhance my comfort zone with exercising and reconnecting with my body through new routines, cold showers, pilates and most importantly swimming in the ocean for the first time in my life!
- I’ve mourned the loss of a friendship that has been extremely painful; being ghosted by a friend that meant the world to me. I may never know why she pulled away and I can’t go on carrying the betrayal and pain that has come from it all. I have to let go of this and create space in my head and heart for the things that I would like to embrace in 2023.
There is a lot more there that I have to reflect on, there are lessons that I’ve learned this year that have made me more aware of life and how important it is to be present. To try and know yourself and enjoy yourself. To live life for you and not for others. To let go of being responsible for everything and everyone!
Like I said, it’s been a hard year but a good one.
Take the time to reflect on what 2022 has brought for you and what it is taking away. Be kind to yourself and know that no matter what has been you did what you could and that’s enough.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 