Life is full of choices, it’s full of cross-roads that will test you and that’s the fun of it, at least once you appreciate that it’s not out to get you. Grief can’t be avoided, that’s fact and we need to appreciate that life is not about being happy all the time. Our Soul Journey has so much planned for us that we cannot come to understand with our thoughts. All we can do is be still and help ourselves channel the love, light and energy that will guide us through what is to come.
As a writer and a poet I let go of my thoughts through words, it allows me resolve really complex emotions that I can’t articulate in any other way. Right now, there are decisions that I have to make that are going to have major impacts on my life and so it feels very heavy and hard. There are many emotions swirling around inside of me that I don’t know how to digest and or resolve. But I have the wisdom now to understand that this heaviness doesn’t define forever. That decisions aren’t absolute and that there is no point worrying over things that I possibly can’t imagine.
So, I’ve written this poem as a way of letting go of the thoughts that are weighing me down. For me this poem is multi-layered, it’s representative of many relationships, both with others and with the universe and myself. It’s a poem that has helped me digest my fears and allowed me to come back to the reality of decision making in the present moment. It’s a reminder that you can only choose based on what you know now. Like Maya Angelou says “do the best you can until you know better, then when you know better do better”. I hope this poem resonates for you too:
As If:
As if I knew it would end up this way,
That all those I loved would go away,
That time would fly and leave me astray.
As if I had a clue,
That everything I did would lead to you,
That all that I lost was not mine to lose.
As if I had a choice,
I wasn’t willing to lose my voice,
I needed to do all I could to rejoice.
As if I would let you go,
If I knew it wouldn’t lead me home,
If I thought I would lose all hope.
As if I knew any better,
To this day I still wear your sweater,
I still cry every time I read your letters.
As if it made sense,
Our story is now past tense,
Our memories are all that is left.
As if my dear,
It could have been any other way,
I have finally learned how to give it all away.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 