Since moving back to Australia so much has happened in my personal life. So many things have come to light that have given me no choice but to do more inner work and to face the pain. I’ve had to crack my heart open in so many ways and I am still not done with opening myself back up to love and light. When veils come off on your Soul Journey you have to deal with what reveals itself to you. I’ve had a few layers come off over the past 3 years and I just can’t believe how much was hidden from me.
I’ve had to deal with relationship dynamics, I’ve had to re-examine the question of who am I?, I’ve had to figure out what pain I’m carrying and how it manifests, I’ve had to learn to love myself and to let go of others validation, I’ve had to face things alone and grieve many relationships. I’ve had to shed the extra skin in all fronts of my life and strip down to the core of me. I’ve had to examine what beliefs I have and how they serve me, I’ve had to feel back into my body, cry out the emotions and accept that there is still so much to release.
I’ve taken up many rituals and activities to help with this, things from yoga, meditation, journalling, binaural beats, exercise, reading, painting etc. you name it! But one of the most powerful gifts that has played such an important role in my healing is the view from my window. I know that sounds rather odd, but if you saw it you would understand. There is a tiny but very full bushland for me to look out on, I get to look out at mother nature and watch her stare back at me every day.
Little did I know how much this view was going to heal me, so much so that now leaving this studio and embarking on my new chapter back in the UK I feel so much sadness for letting her go. It has been my sanctuary, my medicine, my teacher, my confidant, my friend, my reminder and my saviour. Having the privilege of observing mother nature in its purest form is remarkable and it’s something that we all need in our lives.
So, as I prepare to let go I had to pen a letter to her so that I can express my gratitude. For me, the below is dedicated to the trees and nature that I’ve observed from my window every day for the past 2.5 years. I hope you enjoy it and can see how we are connected to all living creatures, including trees!
My Sanctuary:
We’ve been through a lot together, you and I.
I’ve seen you change seasons, from spring to summer where you have blossomed and let the butterflies and birds dance around. To autumn and winter where you have stripped yourself bare and been most vulnerable to the elements out there.
I’ve seen you sway in the wind, hold strong in the storm and cleanse under the rain. I watched you endure the changes all around you whilst you remained the same.
I poured my pain into your depths and you took it on as though it was no bother. With strong roots you stabilised my aching heart and reminded me that I’m loved.
I sat in your silence, learned from your stillness and filled my cup with your peaceful flow. I bathed in it all, took in every moment and thanked god you exist. You were generous and never stopped giving, all I had to do was pause and notice you.
You were the first thing I would lay eyes on when I would wake, reminding me of presence. You were also the last thing I’d say good night to, comforted by the fact that even though I was alone you were watching over me every night.
I watched you sparkle in the sun light, showing glimpses of what heaven must look like. I’ve seen you deepen your colours when it’s overcast, letting your own beauty shine. I’ve watched you play lover to the moonlight, drinking in the silver light and glowing even at night.
I’ve seen you grow, I’ve seen you pause, I’ve seen you be you and show me how it’s done. I’ve seen you rise and I’ve seen you fall, I’ve seen it all.
I have been blessed by being in your presence, I find it hard to let go. The thought of not seeing your beauty as I wake up everyday, makes my heart ache and I don’t know what to do to stop the pain. I’m in awe of your beauty, I’m in love with your grace, you mother nature have held me strong with your warm embrace.
I know I must step out of this cocoon and I know that it’s time. But I can’t seem to let go of the ‘you’ that I now call mine. If my memories are all I get to keep, then I will sketch every detail of you into every part of me.
As I look up at the blue sky, through your branches on this grey day, I can see an airplane flying by. As always you find a way to remind me of the signs I need to see in order to find me. When I depart, no doubt I will meet many of your cousins, your sisters and brothers; all the colours of your heart and all the manifestations of your love. But know this, no matter where I am you will always be home.
I want to say thank you for being there for me. For being a symbol of unconditional love throughout my journey. For taking me back to my roots and giving me back my strength. I want to say thank you, for being my saving grace.
Next spring when the butterflies and birds come flying by, when I’m no longer here to watch them dance around in celebration of your new life, say hello to them from me and tell them they were the ones that gave me wings.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 