The series of choices we make determines the stories we write. I have made some choices recently that I am currently digesting myself. This idea that our decisions need to be perfectly right is misleading. It implies that we somehow know everything and have more control than we do. But the reality is that we make choices based on what we know and who we are at each point in our lives.
I have been programmed into avoiding mistakes as much as possible, in particular when others are involved. Partly because I hate disappointing others and partly because I don’t want to ever hurt anyone. But this is a falacy because it implies that I am some sort of angel who is unflawed and completely god like; which for the record I am not! Yet I carry the burden and the weight of doing right by everyone all the time which then leaves no space for me to do right by me.
When you live your life trying to keep others happy, you inevitably turn your back on yourself. Choosing ourselves can sometimes come with hurting others and or letting them down. Is this a price we are willing to pay? For a very long time my answer has been no, but I now recognise that I can’t destroy myself in order to protect others. As much as I would love to find a way to do so, the reality is things aren’t that simple. If we don’t choose ourselves we will ultimately hurt everyone in the long term as we become a shell of ourselves and can no longer wear the cape of heroism that they have become accustomed to.
Make decisions that are authentic to YOU. Not what you have been taught, told or encouraged to do. But what ultimately makes you feel free, joyous and open. I am so sick of living a closed life. Chasing all the things that others wanted for me. Chasing the life that on the surface defines success but within has left me exhausted, drained, stuck and closed.
Getting out of this space feels difficult and it will require me to exercise a level of courage that I am not yet ready to expend. But I am observing myself and I am creating space for courage to flood my veins and push me through the fear.
Until then, I will need to take the baby steps needed that will redirect me towards an authentic version of me. One day at a time, one breath at a time; let yourself evolve.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 