Be careful with how much credit you give to others, in particular strangers who you do not know well. I tend to see the good in people and a lot of times this works in my favour because it allows me to develop deep connections quickly. However I had to learn a really hard lesson last week around people’s intentions and also their psychological abilities.
For the past 18 months I have been working on re-establishing a sense of Self, a sense of confidence and a sense of trust back into people and the world. I was making progress, albeit slowly, when I had the rug pulled from underneath me, completely disorientating me and blindsiding me. When your sense of reality is torn apart it’s hard not to doubt everything and everyone, in particular yourself. This doubt has resulted in me putting weight and value on another individuals reality over my own. Despite having numerous people support my sense of reality, back me up and help me make sense of what happened, I can’t seem to prevent the anxiety and depression from setting in. I recognise this is a test and one that will take a lot of courage, strength, self-assurance and self-love to recover from.
This experience has made me realise that I place far too much credit on the view of others and their experiences than I do on my own. I think this stems from the perspective that as humans we are all responsible for doing good in the world. I confuse this with I am responsible for all things in life, includinf things I cannot control.
Doing good is based on not just our intentions and abilities to execute it but also on the tools and level of consciousness that the reciever is experiencing this through. We don’t have control over other peoples feelings, or how they interpret us. If you can’t control it there isn’t much that you can do to fix it or improve it. You can however learn and practice prayer and how to let go of the things that are not for you to heal.
If I believe that god is merciful and kind then I also have to believe that he will not punish me for something I was oblivious too and was given false information around. When you show up in accordance to lies that you thought were truth, you can’t blame yourself for doing something that has been picked up negatively. If someone gives you feedback contrary to how they really feel, then you can only go off what they are sharing with you. If you don’t know you’re being lied to you apply trust that the truth is being shared and so you act accordingly. I seem to blame myself for tbeir lies, but I was led to believe something different which lef to me forming my own version of reality. I need to step away and let go of my responsibility for that persons lies.
When people don’t have good intentions or don’t have the capabilities to execute what they need, it’s best to set healthy boundaries that protect your peace and well-being. I don’t know how to not see the good in people, but I will learn to see the good in myself too and to extend the same care, compassion, love and support that I do to others to myself. I am going to choose to trust myself because in this situation not doing so means giving away my whole sense of Self to others who do not have good intentions towards me.
In loving others, don’t forget to love yourself too.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 