It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves. I often wonder how some people can be so calm, loving and kind towards themselves. Walking through life with a sense of confidence that things work out for them. Maybe it’s the perception they create and put out into the world and maybe behind the scenes they too have the same struggles. But I would like to think that it is possible to go through life with more grace, love, compassion and joy than what I currently experience.
It wasn’t until I learned about my traumas and childhood schemas that it all started to make sense. Of course I have certain ways of thinking that make me feel shit; it’s what I have learned and it’s all I have known. But here is the beauty about the brain, the body and life generally speaking, it’s all fluid and able to change. It takes a lot of work, discomfort and effort but if it’s something you want to do, then you can do it. It can be hard to believe, but the effort to do so is better than the alternative!
I know for me it has been a slow burn, a hard journey full of setbacks and challenges. I still have a very long way to go before I can step into a version of me that is aligned to how I want to be vs how I’ve been brought up to be. It’s through life changes and challenges that you get the opportunity to learn and grow on your Soul Journey. It’s also through these chapter changes that you become aware of how far you have come and far you have to go. I used to get bothered by this, feeling like progress wasn’t being made and that I will never reach the destination I want. But then I realised that it’s a never ending journey and if I am constantly waiting for this end state, then I will be bitterly disappointed when it doesn’t arrive!
So, as I sit here this morning reflecting on all the behaviours over the past month that I am not proud of or happy with, I have two choices.
- To fall into the vortex of self-judgement, shame and self- pitty OR
- To compassionately, deliberately and uncomfortably remind myself that these behaviours are not how I want to be and I have the power to re-align with who I do want to be. The version of me that is authentically me and not the version of me that has been copied and pasted as me!
The reason why the second option is uncomfortable is because it doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s not my initial reaction and it’s not something I am familiar with. But unless I practice it more, it will always feel foreign to me. It also doesn’t help that I am a perfectionist in recovery. When you are a perfectionist it can be disheartening to make changes where you experience more setbacks than progress. But this in itself is a mindset shift that needs to be addressed.
I am going to choose to breath out any feelings that make me feel unworthy today. I am going to pay attention to the mean thoughts that diminish my self-worth and that hurt me and my loved ones. I am going to pause and remember that what I can do now is enough and it’s a step towards healing.
When I fall down, I will remember that it’s ok to fall into old habits and thoughts; but this time I will hug myself once I am back up as opposed to judging myself for the fall.
Being kind to yourself is a process. Loving yourself is a journey. We all have our own unique story, experiences and Soul Journey so be here for all of it.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 