This poem came to me on back of a morning that has been full of signs from the universe that I’m at a milestone moment. A moment in time where all the hard work, perseverance, discomfort, change, risk, courage, pain, disappointment, loss, grief and effort has led me. A moment where I realised that I am finally at the point that for 10 years I felt was impossible to reach. A point where I can see the blessings amongst the hardships. The point where I recognise that the good comes with the bad. The point where I can take a breath and celebrate myself and more importantly let go of all the crap that I’ve been carrying with me.
As I paid attention to the small blessings I realised that this moment is a moment to take in because like everything in life it is impermanent and so I might as well embrace it whilst it’s here, now. This is the thing, life is ever evolving and we will always go through ups and downs. I’ve never been a fan of chasing happiness, but I have always been curious about how to find joy amongst the pain.
It takes ALOT of work, effort and it’s a daily choice point – but if you aim for joy you will learn tools and habits that make you sharp in recognising it more and more in your day to day. You can be going through chaos and yet truly be present with the hot drink in your hand. You can be grieving and yet be grateful for the memories that are so precious. You can be faced with uncertainty but tapping into the wisdom that has been developed over the years.
When living in a developed country, constantly in our comfort zone it can be hard to recognise the blessings that are around us 24/7. I am so guilty of this myself and I know through experience that I will ‘forget’ again. But today, I remember the power that lies behind these moments. Behind these blessings that are there just waiting to be seen and appreciated.
In my reflections I realised just how far I’ve come and how important it is for me to recognise this for myself; because god knows that my inner judge is nasty. He will put me down constantly and so I’m going to deliberately give it evidence that it’s wrong. So this poem is my evidence to myself. Travelling through the various chapters and the various versions of me who did the best they could and have evolved to the version of me today who appreciates all that they endured, learned and passed on.
I hope this helps you recognise the wins in your growth too. Take the time to celebrate yourself, for all that you have become and all that you are capable of becoming.
A passage of time, a story of mine:
Once upon a time I was told I couldn’t, so I thought I can’t.
Once upon a time I was told I was ugly, so I thought I must be.
Once upon a time I was told I’m too sensitive, so I stopped feeling.
Once upon a time I was told I am too deep, so I stopped sharing.
Once upon a time I was told I am too much, so I made myself small.
Once upon a time I was told I don’t belong, so I left.
Once upon a time I was told I’m too critical, so I reduced my standards.
Once upon a time I was told I’m responsible, so I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Once upon a time I was told I am fragile, so I thought I was broken.
Once upon a time I was told I’m too opinionated, so I stopped speaking up.
Once upon a time I was told I’m too intelligent, so I stopped learning.
Once upon a time I was told I think too fast, so I redirected my thoughts from ideas to self-judgement.
Once upon a time I was told that I’m too extreme, so I became silent.
Once upon a time I was told I’m too naive, so I became skeptical.
Once upon a time I searched for ‘who I am’ in who I was being told I was.
Once upon a time I was looking for answers outside of me.
Once upon a time I trusted others more than I trusted myself.
Once upon a time I moulded myself to the beliefs that others had of me.
Once upon a time I leaned on the outside in order to make sense of the inside.
Once upon a time I relied on the perception in order to see the reflection.
Once upon a time I let go of me, so that I can be what they wanted me to be.
Once upon a time I lost myself, only to realise there was nothing left to lose.
But……
One day, I woke up from the nightmare.
One day, I realised I have the choice on what to believe.
One day, I started taking steps towards myself.
One day, I went inside and found the universe.
One day, I decided to unpack, unlearn and let go of the beliefs they forced upon me.
One day, I set fire to the lies, the deception, the jealousy and the insecurities that others passed onto me.
One day, I decided it was time to build myself from scratch.
One day, I walked away from anyone who came between me, myself and I.
One day, I started building the foundations for a future that is deliberate and empowered.
One day, I found the truth in my own eyes.
One day, I stopped renting out space in my head to the narratives that others were writing for me.
One day, I stepped back and saw what really happened and how I got here.
One day, I couldn’t unsee what was now clear as day, that my story is MY story.
One day, I became the main character of my own life.
One day, I started making space for the things that brought me joy.
One day, I started healing the wounds that were becoming the scar tissue of my soul.
One day, I became more and more joyful and less and less conformed.
One day, I let go of any belief that was no longer serving me.
One day, I decided to let compassion in, love to flow and forgiveness to set me free.
So……
Today, I embrace the challenge of being told I can’t, because I know I will.
Today, I look at the beauty that is me and honour my ancestors who are the map to my body.
Today, I am learning to be sensitive again, because feeling your way through life is a lot more precious than being numb to it.
Today, I am as deep as the dark blue ocean and in my depth you can find gems of wisdom that I will happily share with you.
Today, I know I’m too much and so you better expect that I will demand the space that I deserve to take up in this world.
Today, I found belonging within me and all around me, I no longer need to leave and spend time enjoying the daily arrivals.
Today, I set the boundaries and the standards that I need, in order to be fulfilled and values aligned.
Today, I’m responsible only for myself and to mother earth, I support others but I will not carry their experiences for them.
Today, I realise that fragility brings beauty and there is nothing that needs to be fixed.
Today, I value my opinions and share them with openness and kindness.
Today, I feed my intelligence with curiosity, creativity, learning and wonder.
Today, I appreciate the pace that my thinking takes and give it creativity to play with instead of self-judgement.
Today, I use my voice to speak up for those that cannot and sing my lungs out when I please.
Today, I choose to see the cup half full and trust that there is good in everything and everyone.
Today, I ponder on the question ‘Who am I’, but I have enough wisdom to know I will never find the answer.
Today, I seek the answers only from within me.
Today, I am practicing to trust myself first and foremost and to never abandon myself again.
Today, I am decluttering my mind and heart from the beliefs that I’ve been injected with, so that I can make space for the beliefs that I want to cultivate.
Today, I go inward when I feel confused and lost, knowing that I can anchor myself in my Being and find my way back home to me.
Today, I don’t pay attention to the perceptions that are formed and observe the illusion with a sense of humour.
Today, I will hold on tight to myself, to all the versions that have come before me and honour the versions that are yet to be born.
Today, I have started filling my heart and mind back up, I am working on becoming Self-Full and have found a compass that will always guide me back to me.
And…..
Tomorrow will be a story that only time can tell.
Tomorrow is richer for all the days that have come before it.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 